


The Fragility of Love and Respect

by Alyson



Series: 101 Ways to Fall [13]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, First Time, Hand wave technology, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-14 23:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19283773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyson/pseuds/Alyson
Summary: AU – the events of the USS Kelvin didn't happen, but it's still the AOS universe.  Young Dr. McCoy is a senior doctor aboard the Kelvin, under the command of Captain George Kirk.  Shortly after meeting, the two start a passionate love affair that lasts for two years.  But when Jim Kirk and his mother visit the ship just before the young man starts the Academy, McCoy realizes his relationship with the senior Kirk may not have the future he thought it did.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be TOS, but I can't stop thinking of my Kirk and McCoy as looking like Pine and Urban. I love TOS, I love Shatner and Kelly, but when I think of pairings in TOS, I can only think in Spones lol. So, because of the descriptions I give the characters I'm calling it AOS without time traveling Romulans. Which means it's TOS, but whatever.

Leonard McCoy was always advanced for his age. He talked early, he walked early. He learned to read right out of diapers, which he had gotten rid of early as well. It was no surprise that he started, and graduated, medical school early, or that he had married his high school sweetheart young. With a collective shake of their heads, no one was surprised that the marriage ended in divorce at an early age for the young man, either.

At twenty-one, he finished his residency (not early, but younger than anyone else) and went into Starfleet. Some would say that he did that late, but it was still early to be a much sought after doctor, to finish the Academy in three years and to join the crew of a star ship as a senior doctor with the rank of Lt. Commander. McCoy did everything early, because he was always in a hurry.

Which might explain why he fell in love again so quickly, with an older man, the Captain of the USS Kelvin, without a question. Why it happened early in his joining the crew, why he went to bed with him early in their relationship. McCoy was a romantic, and if it was love, which he knew it was, there was no time to delay. The relationship with George Kirk began early, and quickly.

It went to hell the same way.

*~*~*~*

Dr. McCoy left Sickbay after his shift with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. He and the captain had been on opposite shifts for the past month, but their schedules had lined up again and it was the first night they'd get to spend it together instead of one of them waking up and leaving while the other was walking in to get some sleep. He was relieved to finally be sleeping in his lover's arms again that night.

He let himself into the captain's quarters and grinned when he saw the blonde man already relaxing with a drink in hand. He smiled in return, eyes crinkling up at the sides, when the younger man walked in. Kirk held out his arms to him and McCoy gratefully settled in against his chest.

“How was your day?” the older man asked.

“Boring, thank god.”

“Boring is good in your line of work, isn't it, sweetheart,” he laughed.

“It means you're safe,” Leonard answered honestly and the other man sobered a little, kissing the man in his arms.

“How about you?” McCoy asked in turn once his mouth was free again.

“Good, uneventful, but not too boring,” George smiled. “I got a message from Sam today. I'm going to be a grandfather.”

“Holy shit, that's great news!”

“It is for me, but what about you?” George teased. “You're now sleeping with a grandfather. I'm an old man, Len, you could do better.”

“You're not old,” Leonard answered seriously, then turned teasing himself, “and I know I could do better.”

George tickled him for that, leaving the doctor breathless. The tickles, however, soon turned into caresses and kisses, both men moaning into each other's mouths.

“I've missed you, sweetheart,” George breathed into his ear. “Let's go to bed.”

“Yeah, let's go to bed.”

Leonard had been serious about the other man not being old. He had only just turned forty-one. The fact of the matter was the Kirks were just as precocious as Leonard had been. George had been married and had a career and a child by the time he was twenty, and now that child was twenty-one and in the same situation. He hoped it went better for Sam than it had for Leonard or George. George never talked about his ex-wife, but he figured they must have been divorced for awhile.

Or the divorce had been recent and Leonard, a man fifteen years his junior, was his mid-life crisis. McCoy shoved that thought away. He couldn't let himself think that, couldn't imagine that what they had was anything but love and devotion. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this man, eventually meeting his sons, being a family. Anything else was unthinkable.

On the rare moments when Leonard was being honest with himself, he was able to admit that he was afraid. He was afraid of being alone, especially out in deep space. The bed always felt cold without George in it and he didn't want to push him away by making too many demands. So he hadn't asked to meet his sons, or what the older man saw in their future. He didn't ask why, or even when, his marriage had ended. Leonard didn't pry. That was for people unsure in their relationship.

And he wasn't unsure, at least he had convinced himself he wasn't. The evidence was all there, he told himself. They had been together for two years. While they were discreet, they weren't actually hiding it. Leonard had spent every night of the past eighteen months sleeping in his captain's bed, whether the other man was in said bed or not. He practically lived there, only going to his own quarters to pick up uniforms and some of his things. (On a star ship, even the captain's quarters were too small to hold the belongings of two people.) They had even gone on shore leave together.

So, they might not be able to walk down the corridors hand in hand, but no one could. Their love was true, despite the age difference and the difficulties of maintaining a relationship with another Starfleet officer.

That night, Leonard lay sated and sleepy in his lover's arms and drifted off to sleep with happy thoughts of their future together.

*~*~*~*

When Leonard arrived at George's quarters two days later, it wasn't to a relaxed man. He was pacing around with a purposeful, nervous energy, picking things up and putting them in a small but growing pile on their table. With some alarm, McCoy realized it was all his stuff.

“George, what's going on?”

“Hey, sweetheart,” the other man greeted with a smile, and Leonard's gut unclenched. “I'm sorry, I know this looks bad, but I promise it's not. I got a call from Jim today. He's about to start the Academy and since we're about to arrive in Earth orbit, I suggested he come aboard and spend a couple of days exploring a real star ship and then I'll get to beam down with him to see him off. He and his mother will have to stay here.”

“Oh, OK,” Leonard nodded, picking his things up in numb hands.

He always trusted his instincts, but he didn't always listen to them. The situation he found himself was one where he pushed the dread down, didn't question why he was feeling it. If he had, he would have asked why they, or at least Jim's mother, couldn't stay in guest quarters. If he had let himself think of that, he would have made the excuse himself that someone else would be staying in the only guest quarters the Kelvin boasted, so they did, indeed, have to stay there. But then he would have checked to see if that was true, and he didn't want to do that. Instead, he told himself that the arrangements made sense.

“Don't worry,” George said gently, pulling the young doctor into his arms. “You can still stay here tonight, but tomorrow and the next, use your quarters. It won't be that long, and you'll be right back here, where you belong.”

Where he belongs, Leonard thought, clinging to George's words. Of course this isn't a good time to go parading their relationship in front of his son and ex. The young man was starting at the Academy, all the focus should be on him, but there was a part of him that hoped that maybe at the end of the visit, George would introduce them. George would tell his youngest son that he was in a new relationship and he hoped they could be friends, because Leonard was going to be a part of his father's life for a long time. Maybe he'd even be invited to beam down to Earth with them, if Jim approved. 

Leonard pulled away from the hug he couldn't actually participate in and put his things back down before wrapping his arms around George's waist.

“I'll make sure all my stuff is out in the morning, then,” he assured him. “Since I'm not going to see much of you for the next two days, let's have a nice dinner.”

“Sounds wonderful,” George agreed, kissing him passionately. “Right after I make love to you. You are so good to me, Len. You're perfect.”

“I love you, George. I love you.”

*~*~*~*

As promised, McCoy was up early and gathering his things from the captain's quarters. He ran them by his own quarters before breakfast, dropping them off in the un-lived in space, briefly glancing at the bed he hadn't slept in in eighteen months. He needed to change the sheets. Star ships didn't really produce dust, but they would still be musty smelling. He left, trying not to think of the next two nights not surrounded by the smell of his lover.

Around midday they arrived in Earth orbit. There was a feeling of excitement among the crew. Leonard was experiencing nervousness, though. He kept telling himself not to get his hopes up, but a traitorous part of him did hope. He hoped that George was getting ready to introduce him to his son. He had imagined that it would happen just before they left the ship, maybe just before they beamed down he'd take Jim aside and explain the situation, briefly introduce them, then beam down, let the boy process it. Then he thought maybe he'd tell him on the last day, and tell his ex. Maybe they would be curious and ask him to invite Leonard to dinner, to get to know him

In that moment, as a delivery of medication from Earth was signed off on and he was given one of the many crates to check off and put away, he fantasized that George was walking his ex-wife and their youngest son to his quarters while telling them about how he had fallen in love. How he was now with a young, but very mature, doctor on board, how they had been together for two years and he wanted to spend many more years with him. How he wanted to introduce them and he hoped they could all be a happy family, together.

“McCoy, snap out of it,” the CMO said as he gripped his shoulder. “I know this is boring, but you've been counting that same row of vials for awhile now.”

“I'm sorry,” he sighed as he ran his hand down his face, fighting a blush. “I'll get back on track.”

“Don't worry about it,” the older man laughed. “I was coming over to get you to go and bring us all back lunch. We're going to be at this for awhile. Hey, at least it looked like what ever you were thinking about was pleasant.”

“Yeah,” Leonard agreed with a blush. “OK, I'll be right back.”

McCoy left Sickbay feeling on top of the world. When he arrived at the Officer's Mess, he looked over at the spot he normally shared with George and did a double take. George was there, eating lunch with two towheaded individuals, a woman about his age and a young man. He couldn't help but stare. There they were, his ex-wife and son. He was positioned by the door in such a way that he had a clear view of them but they'd have to turn to see him, so he took the opportunity to look his fill.

It was clear that Jim took after his mother in looks. He was a handsome young man with hair a brighter shade of blonde than George's and eyes so blue Leonard could tell what color they were from across the room. His face was almost elf-like, with high cheek bones, full mouth and cute little nose and chin, but his jaw had a strength to it that banished the fey like quality of his face and turned what was almost pretty firmly to handsome. Leonard couldn't help but smile. That kid was most likely a heart breaker.

McCoy stopped his staring and headed over to the replicators. He had promised to stay out of the way, let George take care of his family without the added complication of his boyfriend hanging around. It wouldn't do to be caught standing there staring at them. He keyed in the code he had been given and waited for the dozen wrapped sandwiches to finish replicating before gathering them up onto a tray for easier transport. When he turned around and started heading back to the door, he nearly dropped them.

The Kirks had finished their meal and were standing together. Jim was looking around the area, ignoring his parents as best he could while they clearly embarrassed him. They were kissing. George was kissing his ex-wife – wife? - with a passion he recognized from the night before when the man had kissed him. When they parted, he looked at her with a tenderness McCoy didn't realize he was capable of and wrapped his arm around her waist as they turned. Leonard quickly stepped out of view just around the door as they headed his way to leave.

“Jim, why don't you wander the ship a bit?” he heard George say as they got closer. “So long as you stay out of the clearly marked areas, you won't get into any trouble. The crew knows you're aboard, so just ask if you want to see something.”

“Sure thing, dad,” came the reply from a surprisingly deep voice for such a young man. He already spoke with authority. “What are you and mom going to be up to?”

There was a pregnant pause that had Leonard closing his eyes and gritting his teeth. He could feel the tears already burning.

“OK, ew, gross,” he heard Jim say and then a feminine, throaty giggle. “Guess I'll stay out of your quarters for awhile. Have fun, but not, like, giving me a sister fun, or anything.”

The doors to the Mess opened and then closed and there was no more conversation from the Kirk family. Leonard stood there for a moment longer, just to be safe, before turning to the door and leaving as well. 

The trip back to Sickbay was a blur. Leonard didn't know how he got there without dropping the sandwiches or running into anyone, but he did. When he walked in with the tray, those working on the supply delivery stopped what they were doing and helped themselves to the sandwiches, everyone giving him an odd look when they noticed the expression on his face. When two sandwiches were left, their CMO came over to take the tray from him.

“Len, are you alright?” he asked. “You look pale. Did you skip breakfast? Son, I think you need to go lay down. Take the rest of the day off.”

“I, I can finish my shift,” he argued. “I just need a few minutes.” He picked up his sandwich and walked towards the private recovery rooms. “You're right, I skipped breakfast. Let me eat this and rest for a minute and I bet I'll be right as rain.”

“Well, OK, but if you don't look any better after the lunch break, you're going back to your quarters.”

“Aye, sir.”

Leonard locked himself in the room and put the sandwich aside. He headed straight for the computer terminal and did something he had never done before. Something he should have done but had always been too proud, or scared, to do. He pulled up George Kirk's public service record. There it was, under marital status – married, Wynona Kirk. He sat on the bio bed and cried. When he came out after the lunch break was over, he didn't argue when his commanding officer took him off duty for the rest of the day.

He went back to his empty quarters and told himself he'd have to get used to the cold.

*~*~*~*

Leonard didn't sleep well that night. He kept tossing and turning, thinking of the woman he had seen earlier, being made love to in the same bed he had been screwed in most nights over the past eighteen months. It was the wee hours of the morning when he finally gave up and got up to take a walk around the ship. He couldn't stay in those quarters. He had been thinking about it all night, the idea of breaking up with George and moving permanently back to his own room. He wasn't sure he could do it.

Lost in thought, he found that his feet automatically took him to the corridor just outside of Sickbay. He was about to turn around and head to the Officer's Mess for a cup of something hot when a familiar blonde head caught his attention. Jim Kirk was lurking outside of Sickbay, peaking in, acting like a kid who wanted to go in and look around, but was afraid that the adults would tell him to leave. McCoy was about to leave anyhow, not sure he could handle catching the attention of George's kid, but his curiosity got the better of him.

“Hey, you're the captain's kid, James, right?” he asked, acting like he wasn't sure. He had no idea where he pulled that act from.

“Call me Jim,” the young, charismatic man said, holding his hand out to shake. McCoy took it with a nod.

“Leonard McCoy, one of the senior doctors here. Did you want to see Sickbay? I can take you around, show you what's what?”

“Thanks, I'd love that,” he agreed, eyes sparkling. “I wasn't worried about being in the other parts of the ship, but this is one that I'm worried I might touch something I shouldn't.”

“There's an easy solution to that, you know,” Leonard found himself teasing, “just don't touch anything.”

“Yeah,” Jim laughed, a little self-deprecatingly. “Easier said than done, with me. I try to keep my hands to myself and then bam! There's an alarm going off and I look over and my hand's on a button.”

“You're going to be a menace on a star ship,” Leonard laughed, raising an eyebrow.

“That's why I'm going to be a captain. Sit in the center seat, leave the button pushing to those who won't push the wrong button.”

“Following in your dad's footsteps, huh?” McCoy sobered, remembering suddenly who the man was he was joking with. But it was easy to forget. Jim Kirk had a bubbly, bright energy about him that George just didn't have. Combined with the fact he looked nothing like his father – he could have been a male clone of his mother – it was easy to forget who his father was.

“I guess,” he said, losing some of his sparkle. “He has kind of big boots to fill. I can only hope that I live up to his reputation.”

“Can I give you some unsolicited advice?”

“Sure.”

“Don't try to live up to his reputation. Don't go into Starfleet or aim to captain a star ship because of him. Are you doing this only for him or do you want it?”

“Oh, I want it,” Jim answered, the sparkle in his eyes returning ten fold. “I want it more than anything.”

“Then don't worry about living up to anyone's reputation. Make your own. Make others want to live up to your reputation. And if you fall short, at least you did it for yourself, and you had a hell of a time doing it. And, I'm not a parent myself, but I can guarantee you, your parents are going to be proud of you. Hell, I bet they already are.”

Jim spent the rest of their tour deep in thought. Leonard wasn't sure how much he actually heard, but he wasn't concerned. He had only spoken to the kid for a short time, but he already liked him. His heart broke just a tiny bit more, knowing they would never have the relationship he had hoped they would. Jim Kirk would have been a great friend and even better family.

“Well, that's it,” Leonard said when they made it back to the door. Jim looked up at him, looking as disappointed as he felt that it was already over.

“Thanks,” he said. “I really need to get some sleep, was too wound up, but before I go, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” McCoy said, dreading what he was going to ask, but knowing the kid couldn't know he had been having an affair with his father.

“How well do you know my father?”

“No better than most of the crew,” McCoy admitted with a sad smile, because he realized it was true.

“Thank you,” Jim nodded, his thoughts visibly turning inward again. “That advice you gave me, I'm going to work on that. I think you're right. I want to do great things, but I have to do them myself, not with the imagine of my father in mind. Out there, in deep space, decisions have to be made in a split second. I need to go with my gut, not constantly ask what would my dad do. I won't have to time to consult him, and I'm the one ultimately responsible for my decisions.”

Leonard found himself smiling brightly and clapping Jim on the shoulder. This kid was something else and he was glad he got to talk to him even for just a little while.

“Damn straight,” he enthused. “Now, that's the kind of captain I'd be proud to serve under.”

“Hey, maybe someday you can be my CMO,” Jim laughed, eyes alight.

“You got it, kid.”

*~*~*~*

Leonard returned to his room, feeling lighter than he had all day. He could almost forget the drama of earlier, but when he entered his quarters, small and stale and empty of the sounds of another man sleeping, the memories returned like a slap in the face. He had helped Jim, but he couldn't seem to help himself. He knew the choice he needed to make, but... he knew he was going to do the opposite of what he should do.

*~*~*~*

It felt like the minute Wynona and Jim Kirk were off the ship, George was able to track Leonard down in the junction of the corridor leading to the Bridge. The older man pulled the doctor into his arms with a sigh and kissed him hungrily, not one worry for the possibility of passing crewmen. Leonard let him and returned the kiss just as passionately, even as the tears formed in his eyes.

“I thought you were beaming down?”

“Something came up that it turns out only I can take care of,” George explained, rolling his eyes before really looking at McCoy. “Sweetheart, what's wrong.”

“You're still married.”

Kirk pulled away, the concerned frown deepening. He opened his mouth to say something, but Leonard interrupted him.

“Don't bother, I know what you're going to say. 'I never told you I wasn't, I never made you any promises.' And I know you're right. But two years, George. Two years of telling you about my dreams of me and you, of telling you I loved you. I am such a fool. I'm only just realizing you never said it back. 'Me, too.' 'You're perfect, wonderful, amazing.' Never 'I love you, too.' You lied by omission, and that's just as damning as anything. But I was lying to myself. I knew something was wrong, but I never looked into it. All I had to do was check your marital status, but I didn't do that. Hell, all I had to do was pin you down with a demand to be introduced to your family and I'm sure you would have told me then. But I was too scared. I don't want to be alone out here. I don't want to be without you, cause god help me, I still love you, even though I know you don't love me.”

“Len, sweetheart, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry I hurt you.”

Leonard wrapped his arms around the broad shoulders of the other man and buried his face in his neck, inhaling his familiar scent, and wept. George held him tight, rubbing his back, and whispering words of apology and affection. He assured him of his care, of his desire to be with him, but he didn't make any promises. This time, Leonard listened to what he was saying and not to what he wanted to hear.

*~*~*~*

Jim stood, just out of sight, frozen to the spot as he watched the drama between his father and the doctor who had given him the tour of Sickbay played out. He knew both of his parents had lovers. He had overheard them speaking about it one night when they thought he had already gone to sleep and he had been struck by the easy affection, the laughter, his parents shared discussing the antics of their individual bed partners. He waited until his father was back in space before he had asked his mother about it. She had explained that it was lonely in space and many couples dealt with that loneliness by taking lovers, but no one was lied to and no one was hurt, and he never had to worry about his parents splitting up over what was essentially a 'side piece.' She had assured him that the people involved knew where they stood, and preferred it that way as well, since they never knew when they would be transferred. Long distance relationships in space were far more difficult than they were dirt side.

This didn't look like that. The funny, attractive man he had met in Sickbay didn't look like he had been aware of his parents' arrangement. He looked like he had fallen in love and was blindsided by the reality of the situation. He looked devastated. The worst part, for Jim, though, was how his father looked. He looked contrite while the doctor was expressing his hurt, but not really sorry. Jim knew how his father looked when he was sorry for something, when he felt regret. That expression never crossed his face. And then, while he was holding the younger man, rocking him back and forth while he cried the tears of a person who felt like their heart had been ripped from their body, a small, satisfied smile crossed his face. He was happy that McCoy was broken to the point that he would stay right where he was despite knowing his love wasn't returned.

Jim lost all respect he had for his father. He fought back his own tears at what felt like the death of a hero and he turned away, heading back to the transporter room. He decided he wouldn't be inviting dear old dad to the new student welcome dinner, after all.


	2. Two

Jim Kirk graduated from the Academy a year early, with honors.

“I'm so proud of you, son,” his father said, gripping his shoulder. 

Jim stepped out of the hold smoothly, making it look like a natural ending to the very brief contact. Over the past three years, he had had a lot of practice avoiding physical contact with his father, treating him cold and distantly, but never rude or disrespectful. George had been confused at first, and he still didn't understand why, but he never asked and he no longer reacted. He simply dropped his hand and never let his smile falter.

“So, when do you report to the Enterprise?” his mother asked, seeming not to notice the change in their interactions. That wasn't hard to believe. His graduation was the first time since he was dropped off at the Academy that those three particular Kirks were in the same place together.

“Tomorrow,” he smiled warmly at her, showing his excitement. He had been assigned to a tactical position on the flagship fresh out of the Academy. He couldn't help but be proud.

“Guess no drinking and cavorting for you tonight, then,” his father joked.

“No, sir,” Jim replied coolly, this time his mother catching the odd exchange.

“Good,” she said, straightening a pin on her son's uniform. “We can have dinner as a family. George? Why don't you go see if you can find a place not so loud and call somewhere for a reservation.”

He did as he was told even though they all knew it was a ploy. There was no place on campus that moment that was any quieter than where they had found themselves. Once they were alone, mother turned on son.

“What's going on with you and your father?”

“Nothing mom, really.”

“OK,” she said, though her tone made it clear she didn't believe him. She knew better than to try and pry it out of him, though. He had a stubborn streak a mile wide – just like her. “Well, try to be a little more civil at dinner. That's the last you have to see of him for who knows how long.”

“You got it mom, I promise,” he said and kissed her temple, grinning against her hair.

She was an amazing person, an amazing mom. He'd be damned if he was the one who told her why he could barely look at his father anymore.

*~*~*~*

Reporting for duty was a relief. It meant his father was off on his own ship well away from him, where he belonged, and it meant his life was truly starting. After he had beamed aboard he had met with Captain Pike, a courtesy extended to him due to his father. Annoying, but not too bad. Then he reported to his commanding officer. Finally, he had to report to Sickbay for a physical. Starfleet seemed to really like poking and prodding them when ever possible.

He was being examined by Dr. Fulgate when he saw a ghost from his past.

He didn't know how many times he had thought of Dr. McCoy since he saw him that day three years before. He hadn't kept up with him, he thought it seemed weird to look up the other man's service record to see where he had ended up, but it still didn't stop him from worrying about him. Plus, he had been convinced that he was still on the Kelvin, serving under his father in the most literal way he could think of. To see him there, on the Enterprise, bitching at an engineer with a burn on his arm, took him by surprise.

Jim didn't say anything to him; he was busy with his patients and Jim had a full schedule, but he decided he would find the time to talk to him. He had the perverse need to know why the doctor wasn't with the man he had declared hopeless, desperate love to.

*~*~*~*

His opportunity came sooner than he expected. That very evening, Kirk took his first dinner break in the Officer's Mess of the Enterprise. After replicating a bacon cheeseburger he looked around to see where he wanted to sit and noticed the man he had been thinking about all day in a far corner, eating alone. Not one to pass up an opportunity, he headed over and sat down across from him as if he had been invited.

McCoy looked up in mild annoyance, then looked more fully at Jim, face contorting in shock. He swallowed what was in his mouth before pointing his fork at him.

“Don't I know you?” he asked, trying for grouchy.

“Yep,” Jim said, while actually wanting to say 'What? Forget the face of your lover's son so soon?' “Jim Kirk. We met on the Kelvin.”

“Oh, yeah, George's son,” he said with not near as much calm as he was going for. “Shouldn't you still be in the Academy?”

“Graduated in three years,” he said with pride. McCoy gave him his first genuine smile.

“Hey, me too.”

“Well, here's to us, the smartest people on the ship,” Kirk joked, lifting his cup. He was delighted when McCoy lifted his in return and actually bumped them together and took a drink. 

“With the exception of that pointy eared computer Captain Pike's got as a First Officer.”

“Yeah, true. Dealt with him at the Academy. Kind of a jerk.”

“He grows on you. I kinda like him.”

They shared a smile and then ate for awhile in companionable silence. McCoy had relaxed significantly since he had sat down and Jim remembered the night he had toured Sickbay, how funny the other man had been, how he had thought at the time how good looking. He had assumed that McCoy was working the gamma shift, but after witnessing the confrontation in the corridor, he had wondered if the other man had actually been wandering the halls because he hadn't been able to sleep. Again, he wondered what happened after that since he clearly wasn't still serving on his dad's ship.

“So, when did you get transferred from the Kelvin?”

“Oh, about six months after you were there, actually,” the other man answered, still inspecting the remains of his salad, picking out the pieces he wanted from the dregs. “Though, I actually requested the transfer within days.”

Well, that was interesting.

“You requested the transfer?”

McCoy looked up, startled, like he had said something he didn't mean to. Jim assumed he had simply forgotten that Jim was the son of the man he had been sleeping with, and may have even ran from. He liked that. He had been told before that he looked, and acted, nothing like his father. He hoped he didn't remind Leonard of him and it looked like he might not.

“Um, yeah,” he hedged, poking at his plate, then he squared his shoulders like he had made a decision. “I was in a relationship. I had this boyfriend, bit older than me, but he was real good to me and I loved him. I thought he loved me, too. Found out I was wrong and I decided to get out of there.”

“I'm sorry,” Jim said, and found he meant it. “I know I'm prying, but how did you know he didn't love you?”

“I knew something was wrong. I knew it in my bones, but I didn't listen. I... I found out he was married. I thought she was his ex-wife, but, when we got to Earth, he kicked me right out of our room – his room, really, even though I had been sleeping there for a year and a half – and... well. You can probably guess.”

Jim felt sick. It hadn't occurred to him that the two of them would have been practically living together. Why wouldn't they be? What would stop McCoy from being in his dad's bed every night? He was glad that McCoy hadn't continued that thought, but he couldn't help the bitter thought that he hoped his father had at least had the decency to change the sheets before his 'alone time' with Jim's mother.

“Anyhow,” McCoy continued, “I was dumb enough to try to make it work, stay with him, but I knew in my bones that it would just be more of the same and it would never change. I was having an affair, and my mamma raised me better than that. I decided it was for the best that I leave.”

Jim was tempted to push for more details, but the man had given him, a near stranger, a lot of personal details anyhow, and he wasn't cruel. The more McCoy revealed the more at risk he was of having to admit that the lover in question was George Kirk. Jim decided that he would eventually let him know that he knew, but now was not the time.

“So, this time, you listened to your bones?” he lightly teased, instead. “It could be said, based on your experiences, that one should always listen to their bones.”�  
“You may be right, there,” Leonard smiled back.

“Too bad my bones never warn me when I'm doing something stupid.”

“Stick with me kid, I'll warn you when you're about to do something stupid.”

“So, you'll be my Bones?”

“Sure, kid, sure.”

*~*~*~*

“Had a run in with Mr. Spock,” Jim told Leonard the next day at dinner.

“Oh yeah?” he prompted.

“Seems my method of firing phasers in a five – three – five pattern is illogical.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“No.”

“Anyhow, in some situations it can give the ship a tactical advantage,” Jim continued. “Captain Pike thought it was inspired. Spock just looked at me with that arrogant eyebrow of his.”

Leonard laughed at his description, then pointed at the mushroom Swiss burger the younger man was devouring.

“We agreed I'd tell you when you were doing something stupid,” he said, “and I'm telling you now, if your meals for the rest of the week follow the last two days, you will be pushing Starfleet's weight limits by the time you're that captain you want to be so bad. You're going to need a larger uniform in a couple of months as it is.”

“OK, I'll make a deal with you,” Jim replied, using the food in his hand to point at Leonard. “I'll put down the burger if you start coming with me to the gym.”

“What? I work out!”

“Wow, I hit a sore spot. Listen, I get it, you look like you jog or do some kind of aerobic workout three days a week, but you're out in deep space, Bones, you go on the occasional landing party. As your friend, I insist that you let me teach you how to fight.”

“Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a cage fighter,” McCoy groused. “I took an oath to do no harm.”

“Huh, I guess that's true,” Jim considered. “But you're allowed to defend yourself, right?”

“Well, yeah. And actually, I have no qualms defending my patients,” he admitted.

“Then that's it! I'll make sure you can do that. And I'll make sure you're in top physical condition since you're determined to see that I am.”

“OK, I'll do it,” McCoy agreed.

“Perfect!” And Jim took a big bite of his burger.

“Hey, you said you'd put it down!”

“I thought we'd start tomorrow,” Jim mumbled around the food in his mouth.

Leonard just shook his head at the idiot across from him.

*~*~*~*

Jim tried to stop it from happening, he really did. Just the awkwardness of the man being his father's former lover should have been enough to nip it in the bud. The fact that it was also a secret between them should have also kept him in check. But no. Leonard McCoy was intelligent, sarcastic, down right mean sometimes, very creative in his language and the light of Jim's day, every day. Over a span of two months, where they ate as many meals as possible together, worked out together, drank together and gossiped like school kids about anyone and everyone aboard ship, they became best friends.

That wasn't a surprise to Jim. What did surprise him was how quickly it morphed into falling in love.

Every smile Jim could pull from him that flashed his dimples was a bigger success to him than winning Spock over and impressing the captain. Every chuckle at one of his bad jokes, every clap on the shoulder, every time it was Jim he turned to when he had something to complain about was a major victory to him. It made his heart sing in a way it never had before and he counted down the minutes until he saw him again.

He didn't know what to do, though. As far as he could tell, McCoy saw him as only a friend and Jim wouldn't be surprised if he was never capable of returning his feelings. How would he feel if he had been with some guy and after the breakup the guy's kid, even if he was closer in age to him, told him he was in love with him and wanted them to be together? Odd, at best. It also had the potential to make him feel gross.

No, Jim decided, it was better to just stick with their friendship and not bother Bones with his romantic feelings. That friendship was worth preserving. He could tell it would last his entire life if he didn't do anything stupid to ruin it.

*~*~*~*

In the middle of their third month of friendship, Jim caught Leonard staring at him. It wasn't blatant and if he hadn't been trying to look at him he wouldn't have seen it. 

They had just finished a workout and were in the sonics, getting a quick clean before heading to dinner. Normally, the sonic showers were something that crew used either in their underwear or fully dressed. The soncis were somewhat rough on clothing. Starfleet uniforms, including workout wear, was made to withstand things that no civilian would put them through, though, so they could stand up to the strain of taking a sonic shower with them on. Jim and Leonard both, however, wore civilian clothing to work out in so they did what few other crew did and showered naked. Leonard claimed he didn't like getting in with his underwear on because he didn't feel like the sonics got everything de-funked (his words, and boy did Jim giggle over that) properly, and Jim just liked the freedom.

That day, though, most of the sonics were down for maintenance and the few that remained were grouped on one end of the open row of showers. They both undressed, both avoiding eye contact and started their cycles, one shower between them but in plain view of each other. Jim had thought about at least leaving his underwear on, but he wasn't shy about it in front of other crew members, so Bones would wonder why he was suddenly shy around him. Besides, Bones was fine showering as normal.

After a moment of indecision where he warred with his conscious (he doesn't want me ogling him / he's got it all on display and doesn't care if anyone sees / but not like that, he doesn't know I'm attracted to him) Jim finally peaked out of the side of his eyes. He took in the long, lean lines of his best friend, the recently formed muscle that he had helped put on him, from his thick thighs to his broad shoulders. He took in the flaccid cock, liking the way it looked resting against his full sac, long and thick and filling Jim with thoughts of what it might look like engorged. His ass was a sight to behold, too. Shapely and firm; not as round as his own, but so nice with its chiseled musculature. 

When he dared to glance at his face, he quickly shifted his eyes away, then carefully looked again. Bones was doing the same thing. He could see how his eyes were tilted towards Jim and down, clearly checking out his groin and ass. He was so intent on looking his fill of his naked friend that he hadn't realized he'd been caught, or that Jim had no room to complain.

Jim ended the shower and went to get dressed as nonchalantly as possible. He would have stayed longer, but the risk of getting an erection had doubled when he realized Leonard was checking him out too. On their way to dinner, laughing and talking about their usual things, Jim couldn't help but wonder if Bone's would be getting off that night on fantasies about them making eye contact and then physical contact in the showers as well.

*~*~*~*

After the shower incident, Jim started noticing other times Bones was checking him out. He also noticed that Bones didn't seem to say no to him when he asked him to go do something unless it would interfere with his duties. The doctor did have other friends, and Jim respected that and backed off when he knew Christine or Geoff wanted to hang out with him and do what ever medical personnel did in their off times. Curiosity, as usual, got the better of him.

Early in their friendship, Jim had asked Leonard to hang out with him one Tuesday evening and to play three dimensional chess with him. He had been soundly rejected. Number one, Leonard had explained, he had a standing date with his med buds for poker and drinks, and no, Jim was not invited. It was medical only. Hang out with the folks in your department. And two, what the hell was wrong with normal chess? Why did they have to go and change it? What? Not big enough of a challenge? Jim tried to explain that battle tactics in space were different from tactics on a planet with gravity, and chess was, at it's heart, a game of tactical creativity, so three dimensional chess was that, in space... but he'd just been scowled at.

So, as an experiment, he approached him Tuesday afternoon. Carrying a tray with two of the day's lunch specials, he walked into the medbay and found McCoy scanning an Ensign's knee. He glanced up and the scowl immediately morphed into a smile at the sight of Jim standing there with lunch.

“Is it that time already?” he said in such a friendly manner the Ensign just stared in mute amazement. “Well, young man, try not mess up my work while you head back to yours... after lunch, of course. Thank you, Lt. Kirk, we can go back here.”

The Ensign left in a hurry and Jim followed Bones into the back of the medbay, near the private recovery rooms, and into a large storage closet the staff had squeezed a long table and chairs into to use as a somewhat break room. They were alone as most medical personnel opted to spend their breaks away from Sickbay while there wasn't an emergency or inventory. Jim mentioned the all hands on deck type of inventory the medical staff was regularly tortured with with a sympathetic look.

“You know,” McCoy said thoughtfully, “there's a certain type of person that likes doing inventory, finds it relaxing. I'm one of them. Christine is, too. When I'm running my own medbay I'm not going to have everyone doing inventory, just those that like it. You see, those people get it done faster and with more accuracy when they're not being bogged down by people who hate it. That one time when me and Chris got 'stuck' doing inventory by ourselves? We got it done in half the time and Dr. Boyce was so shocked he almost didn't believe we had done it. You see, he's one of those people who hate inventory. Which may be the only reason he didn't double check us. Told him to watch us next time. He'd see.”

Jim nodded, more fascinated by the way Leonard's expressive hands were moving while he was telling the story. He wondered how they would feel moving against his skin....

“Hey, Spock is busy tonight, some big report to Starfleet Command. Come have a drink in my quarters and play chess with me.”

“Sure,” Bones immediately agreed, flashing him a dimply smile.

Score.

*~*~*~*

“Refill?”

“Sure, kid,” Bones held out his tumbler, never taking his eyes off the board he was inspecting. “You know, I still don't get this damn game. Not in more than a basic understanding.”

“Here, if you move this piece up here, you can start putting me in check. Yeah, I'm actually blocked in such a way that I can't get out of it.”

“And you're telling me this why?”

“I'm trying to teach you, not win,” Jim laughed.

“Oh,” Leonard smiled. “Well, I'll try to pay better attention, then.”

Jim swallowed his drink as his nerves flared up. They were only on their second drinks and if he wanted to talk to him about this, he needed to do it now.

“Hey, Bones, let's take a break,” he said as he laid his hand on his arm and motioned him to follow him to sit on the sofa. “I wanna talk about something.”

“Sure, Jim. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, it actually is. Bones, my feelings for you, they're not just that of a friend,” he started, watching as the other man turned pale. Not the reaction he was hoping for, but it was understandable. “I care very deeply about you. I can see us together, romantically, for a long time. I think you might feel the same, or at least are starting to? What I'm saying very awkwardly is, I want to start dating you, I want to see where we can take this.”

“Jim, oh Jim. I... Damn it!” Leonard got up and started pacing the small space, running his fingers through his hair roughly.

“Bones, I know I'm not wrong,” Jim said, starting to panic a little. “I've seen the way you look at me. Hell, you blew off your Tuesday night poker game to see me!”

“Jim, I'm sorry, but we can't do this. I can't date you. You don't really want to date me,” he added with a humorless laugh. “Oh, god, if you knew, you wouldn't want to date me. Darl'n, you'd be disgusted.”

“Are you talking about the relationship that went bad on the Kelvin?” he asked, bracing himself for what he was about to confess. If he wanted a relationship with this man, they could have no secrets between them. “Are you talking about my father?”

“What?” Bones whipped around to face him, looking wild with his messed up hair and wide eyes.

“I know,” Jim admitted. “I didn't tell you before because we had just met and I didn't want to pry into something so personal. And then I started to fall for you and it just never seemed like the right time.”

“You know I was your daddy's side piece for well over a year, and you want to date me?” Bones was beginning to sound hysterical. “Boy, you sure do want to follow in your father's footsteps.”

“What? No! Bones, it's nothing like that! This, my feelings, have nothing to do with him or your past with him.”

“I can't do this right now,” McCoy muttered, not seeming to be listening anymore.

Before Jim could say another word, Bones disappeared out the door.


	3. Three

McCoy managed to avoid him for three days. When he had bolted, Jim realized he needed to give the other man some space, some time to process what he had just found out, so he didn't go after him. Foolishly, he had expected to at least see him by dinner if not by lunch the next day, but he didn't go to the mess hall at either of those times. He stopped by his room after shift, but McCoy was either not there, or wasn't answering his door. He'd considered asking for his location from the ship's computer, but decided that maybe he needed some more time, so he didn't. He'd see him the next day.

He didn't see him the next day.

On day three, he was fed up, so he decided to stop by the medbay when he knew he'd be on shift. His supervisor had looked at him like he didn't believe him when he complained of stomach pains, but Kirk had been dismissed and allowed to report to Sickbay. When he got there, though, there was no sign of McCoy and he was given over to a burly nurse that gave him a hypo of something that actually did make him queasy and sent him to his quarters to rest.

On day four, he got up two hours earlier than normal, asked the computer the location of the doctor, and high tailed it to the man's room. When he got there, he hit the chime and waited. He hit it again and waited some more. He suspected McCoy had asked the computer who was at his door and was ignoring him so he hit it again, and again, and again, and kept hitting it until the door slid open to a sleepy, annoyed looking Bones. Jim didn't wait for him to speak, just pushed past him and into his room.

“What the hell?”

“You're avoiding me.”

“Maybe you should take the hint.”

“Maybe you should grow a pair and talk to me.”

Leonard stood there, wearing sweatpants and an Ole' Miss shirt, and gaped at him like a fish.

“Damn it, maybe I should,” he conceded, and headed to his coffee pot. “But not without caffeine first. Want some?”

“Hell, yeah, I barely got dressed before I ran here. Needed to catch you before you left.”

“Or before I woke up.”

“Well, Bones, it's been three days since you did your disappearing act. Thought we should do this in private.”

McCoy nodded, his back to him, as he made two cups of coffee and headed back to Jim, handing him one. They didn't speak again until he had finished his cup and was fixing himself a second.

“Do I remind you of him, at all?” Jim asked quietly, still nursing his first cup. 

“No,” Leonard admitted, just as quietly. “Sometimes, I don't remember he's your dad until someone calls your name, then it's a shock. Like, oh yeah, I used to think I would someday be this young man's step father. How could I forget? How could I start thinking of him in romantic terms?”

Jim closed his eyes and sighed. It might be hopeless. Bones had told him he thought he'd had a future with George Kirk, but it never really registered what those thoughts would entail. Of course that meant marriage. And if they were married, then yeah, he would have been his stepson. And there are some lines you don't cross, so it might be impossible, if his mind was set into that particular loop. But was it? He had seen Jim and found out George wasn't available for that kind of life all at the same time. Surely, now that he knew Jim, he didn't think of him as having been his potential stepson still? Jim decided to try and go with levity to dislodge any thoughts like that.

“Well, we could get married,” he said. “I could take your name.”

“Oh sure,” Bones replied sarcastically. “Then me and George really could be family.”

“Nah, we'd leave Starfleet, run away to a colony planet on the fringe of the frontier, be pioneers.”

“Not a chance,” Bones grumbled. “There are some conveniences I'm not doing without. Honestly, Jim, how are you not freaked out? And how do you know about me and your dad?”

“This is weird to explain,” Jim admitted, “but I've known since I was fairly young that my parents had arrangements with people. When I first heard them talking about it, I was confused, but mom had explained that it was how their marriage, and a lot of Starfleet marriages, worked. Before Sam and me, mom served onboard starships, too. She and dad fell in love and committed to each other, but they couldn't be stationed together very often, so they agreed to have boyfriends or girlfriends. But she had also explained that these people knew what they were, knew that they weren't serious. They didn't want serious, either, for the same reason or because they were concentrating on their career... any number of reasons. Even after Sam was born and mom took an Earth posting, she often had boyfriends while dad was in space, though we never met them, and she never went off with anyone while dad was home.

“Anyhow, that day you and George had your confrontation? I saw it. I had come back to tell him I had forgotten to invite him to some welcome dinner, and I saw you there, angry and hurt. It wasn't anything like mom said it was and he didn't care. You didn't see his face after you said you were going to stay but I did. He looked like he had won a competition while you were crying like he'd ripped your heart out. He was happy. I think he might have actually been happy you were hurting, thinking he had broken you and you weren't going anywhere. I didn't think you were going anywhere, either. But I didn't hate you, or him, even. I felt bad he had treated you like that and I lost all respect for him that day. How can he say he cares for the welfare of his crew when he didn't care about your welfare?

“I was surprised to see you on board the Enterprise, and so damn happy when you told me you ended it in days. You may have thought about staying, but you were hurting. I knew, this is a good man. This is a strong man with self-respect and a healthy moral backbone. He didn't break you. And I don't, can't, see you as his former lover. God, he didn't deserve you, and in case you're wondering, I don't feel the way he and mom do about Starfleet relationships. Once I commit to someone, we're going to stay that way, and if we go months without getting laid, well, we're grownups and civilized, we're not animals needing to rut. Though I'll admit it won't be easy. I like sex and I proved that in the Academy. We'll have to have dirty vid chats when we can.”

Leonard sat, staring at his mug, mute. He was gripping it tightly, trying not to give into the tears threatening. Jim was telling him everything he'd tried convincing himself of the day he ended things with George for good and put in his transfer. He'd held on the entire six months before the transfer went through, fighting off George's attempts at winning him back (so tempting, but he couldn't) and finally having to threaten him with sexual harassment charges (though not sure if he could go through with it) when George had tried to block the transfer. He actually had Captain Pike to thank for that last bit. He had wanted McCoy on his crew bad enough that he tore George a new one about being a selfish captain and how no one would respect his command if he interfered in officers' career advancement. He hadn't known about their former relationship, which George admitted had been lucky for him when he apologized to Leonard for trying to keep him.

“I spent two days trying to pretend we were OK,” he finally started, Jim leaning closer to hear him clearly. “Before you came on board, I had all these fantasies about him introducing me to you, telling you how important I was to him... I had been in so much denial. I knew, you know, or at least suspected, but refused to ask him or look into his file. That would require me to face that he didn't love me, that we had no future, and I had convinced myself that he did, that we did. He never even said he loved me but I managed to believe he did. I was so foolish. I asked him, that second night together, why he'd not told me where I stood from the beginning. He said he could tell I was the type who wouldn't want that kind of relationship, I'd want to be number one. But he wanted me, and he got what he wanted. He was so damn smug. I slept in my own room from then on out, no matter how hard it was at times.

“I'm a lot better now,” he went on, looking up at Jim, a determined look on his face. “I'm not that desperate child begging for love and affection. I do just fine on my own. Having you as a friend, it's been wonderful, but I don't need a lover to manage the nights in space anymore. You're right, I'm strong. Thank you, by the way, for saying all that. I can't tell you how much you mean to me, but we can't be lovers. I can't be weak like that again.”

“Bones, that implies being with me, letting yourself love me, would be a weakness,” Jim objected, gripping the other man's shoulders and encouraging him to meet his eyes. “It isn't, I swear it. Being with someone like him just because you were afraid to be alone? Yeah, that would have been weakness, if you had actually gone through with it. But you didn't because you're strong and you're strong enough to handle me. You won't take any shit off me, and we both know it. I need someone like that. I need you. I'm not asking you to come and warm my bed, I'm just asking that we see where this can go, just date. No sex, not right away.”

“Just dating,” Bones repeated, skeptically.

“Yeah. Like right now, let's go to breakfast together. It can be our first date.”

“We eat together most mornings. Those weren't dates.”

“Yeah, but now our mindset is different. And, I'd like to hold your hand. Maybe walk you to Sickbay and kiss your cheek goodbye. Whaddaya say, Bones?”

McCoy searched his face for any subterfuge but only found open honesty is Jim's amazing blue eyes. He had to admit that as weird as it was to date George's son, he really liked Jim, had found him to be an easy ear and a great friend. He was also incredibly attracted to him, often thinking of him at night when he was alone and aroused, especially on days they shared the sonic after working out. He knew what kind of man Jim Kirk was, and he wasn't his father's son.

“OK, Jim. At the risk of ruining our friendship, I'll give dating you a go.”

“Thanks, Bones. You won't regret it.”

*~*~*~*

After McCoy got dressed, they walked down to the Officer's Mess, hand in hand. There's was the type of fraternization - similar ranks, completely different areas much less departments - that was allowed so long as nothing came up that proved it a bad idea. It was the main thing that set McCoy's mind at ease. Intellectually, he knew Jim wouldn't lie to him, but he'd been hurt bad enough that the openness went a long way towards assuring him he wasn't a dirty little secret. 

It felt odd holding hands in the corridors of the Enterprise. They passed several crew members going about their duties at the end of their shift and others getting ready for the beginning of their shifts, just like they were. A few people gave them strange looks. Some who suspected they had been sleeping together the whole time gave them smiles, glad to see the proof they were right. Many more just ignored them.

It also felt good. It had been years since Leonard had been touched in a way that wasn't completely platonic and way too brief. He hadn't thought he missed it, but clearly he had. And Jim's hands were wide and solid, his grip firm, and every once in awhile, he'd gently squeeze Leonard's hand in his and give him a brilliant smile, clearly thrilled they were going on their first date. He had to admit that Jim's enthusiasm was infectious, and he knew when something was infectious.

Breakfast was extremely normal. With the exception of Jim's feet playing with his, making him question Jim's assertion that they were grownups, it could have been mistaken for every other meal they'd shared. Except, when they were done eating and it was still too early to go on duty, they sat there, holding hands over the table and talked. McCoy thought that he had learned everything there was to know about Jim already. Boy had he been wrong.

He was told the story of how he took the Kobiyashi Maru three times, cheating the last time so that he would win the simulation (“It wasn't cheating, Bones, it was creative problem solving. The judge said so.”), and how the last time he got really, blinding drunk, he had woken up in the Academy's quad in nothing but his boxers and someone's bra. He still didn't know whose. It was a horrible way to end his first year and he had been drinking more responsibly since.

“And there's a lot more where that came from,” Jim assured as they laughed their way to the medbay, hand in hand again.

“More?” Leonard crowed. “I thought you told me all the good stories already.”

“Nah, and I may not have ever told you the one with the bra if we hadn't started dating. That one's embarrassing, but I think it's best if you hear it from me since I won't try to wiggle out of it if someone else tells you. At least not now, though before? I might have denied everything.”

“I wouldn't have blamed you, either. But I think what you're really saying is that I need to know exactly what I'm getting myself into.”

“True.”

It didn't take them long to get to Sickbay, and when they did, Leonard found himself wishing it had. He couldn't believe it. Just that morning he was completely against dating the young man next to him, and now he was disappointed he was going to have to let go of his hand and start work. Then Jim leaned over and pressed soft lips to the corner of his mouth and his heart nearly slammed it's way out of his chest.

“You said cheek,” he managed to choke out.

“I missed,” Jim said with a crooked smile, then leaned back over and kissed him on the cheek. “There, on target. Think you'll be free for lunch?”

“Um, I think so. I'll send you a comm if not.”

“OK. Bye.”

“Bye.”

McCoy watched him leave, feeling as if his entire body was on fire.

“Doctor, Dr. McCoy,” Nurse Chapel singsonged behind him. “Are you working today?”

“More than you if you've got time to gawk at me,” he snapped, turning around and glaring at her.

“OK, sorry,” she threw her hands up and walked away, much to his satisfaction.

That would show her, he thought. Just because he got a little misty eyed because he was falling in love with his best friend, didn't mean he wasn't still the terror of Sickbay, and they best not forget it.


	4. Four

Jim had promised to take it slow, and that was exactly what he did. Painfully slow. At some point he hoped the doctor would be so kind as to tell him to hurry it up already, but he showed no sign of doing so.

“Hey, Jim, stop by my quarters after shift tonight?” he asked four weeks and three days after they started dating, as Leonard dropped Jim back off at his duty station after lunch.

“You got it. See you tonight.”

Jim went back to work, happy to be seeing his boyfriend that night, as usual, but not getting his hopes up about what would be on the agenda. He'd spent many evenings in the doctor's quarters. They were, after all, larger than his own and had a separate sitting area and kitchenette. He was pretty sure the only people with larger quarters were the Captain and CMO. He doubted Spock's quarters were any roomier. Rank and position had its privilege.

“Hey, Kirk, got time to spar tonight?” Johnson, one of his fellow tactical officers asked as he sat down at his console, coming in shortly after Bones had headed back to Sickbay. 

“No can do, Benny,” he smiled. “Seeing my man tonight.”

“You see him every night,” Johnson griped goodnaturedly. “You ever think to take a break and come down to the gym to beat someone up?”

Jim eyed him skeptically, taking in his large six foot five frame. The man wasn't just taller than him, he was easily twice his width.

“You mean like you?” he asked. “I'm not that stupid, man. I'm not throwing you around any mats.”

“I'm exactly what you need to be practicing fighting!” he argued. “There are so many species that we know of that are bigger and/or stronger than Humans. And then there's the ones we don't know about. Besides, I bet you could hold your own. I heard what a hell of a fighter you were at the Academy.”

“Yeah, OK, but how about tomorrow? I promised him, and I can tell him when I get there about us sparring so he won't ask to do anything that night.”

“If you guys really want to go,” their supervisor interrupted, “we are doing literally nothing but recalibrations, and we're ahead of schedule. Sparring is in the job description. You can do that on the clock, if I approve.”

Kirk and Johnson grinned at each other and the other four men and women working at the tactical stations turned on their supervisor with pleading eyes.

“Oh, alright. You guys OK with an audience?”

“There's always an audience when Johnson gets on the mat,” Kirk nodded.

“Can I take winner?” a female Andorian asked.

“Sure,” the two men said together, then began pushing into each other as the tactical crew left their stations to head to the gym.

“Save it for the mat, boys! You have to fight it out there to find out who Razza gets to break!”

“I am so kicking your ass, Kirk,” Johnson grinned.

“Bring it!”

*~*~*~*

“Dr. Boyce! Incoming!”

“Jesus, what the hell happened?”

McCoy heard the commotion out front and quickly slid out of the CMO's office where he had been helping with the paperwork, and into the chaos. Next to Boyce, he was the best surgeon on the team, so he reasoned he might be needed to assist or even lead. He pushed his way through the nurses and other doctors only to be faced with Dr. Boyce pushing him right back.

“Not this time, McCoy,” he said gently. “Peterson! Scrub up! You're assisting!”

McCoy nodded, understanding that the other doctors had to keep their skills sharp, too, but he didn't understand the sympathetic look Boyce shot him. It was even more confusing that the nurses were giving him worried glances. Then the patient was floated past him and into a surgical suite and he was grateful for the nurse standing next to him. He saw Jim, laying broken and barely breathing, and Chapel had him in a strong grip around his waist and elbow when his knees buckled.

“Let's get you in a seat, Doctor,” she said gently and guided him to sit.

“What... what happened?”

“It was a sparring accident. His sternum was practically crushed, several ribs broken, wrist and arm broken, there's concern for his back and neck as well.”

“My god,” McCoy breathed. “How was that a sparring accident?”

Chapel just pointed. He followed where she was indicating and saw a group of tactical officers, dressed in exercise gear, looking shell shocked and devastated, some openly crying. In the middle, sitting in a chair that he made look like it belonged in a preschool classroom, was a behemoth of a man who had been crying but was currently sitting quietly. He was pale and just staring off into space. McCoy was instantly on his feet and running over to him, Chapel hot on his heels.

“Doctor, it was an accident...” she started before McCoy rounded on her.

“This man is in shock!” he exclaimed, and she turned in place to get the correct hypos, not needing to be told anything else. “You! I need all of you to get him onto that biobed!”

The tactical crew snapped to attention and did as told, getting him to his feet, just he started to pass out. He nearly crushed them under his weight, but then as if from no where, Spock was there. He and the Andorian crew member finished hauling him onto the biobed. Chapel handed McCoy the hypos and he began treating his patient, watching the monitors as he slowly stabilized. Finally, the large crew member was sleeping comfortably, no longer about to crash.

“You're the only one who noticed,” Chapel said to McCoy, respect on her face. “No one else would have realized until he fell out of his chair and his companions starting panicking. Good job, Doctor.”

They shared a nod, and McCoy might have said more, but his attention was diverted by Commander Spock who had stepped up to him and motioned for the head of the tactical department to approach them as well.

“Commander,” the Vulcan started. “Dr. McCoy and I would both like to know exactly what happened to Mr. Kirk.”

Leonard, who knew that the Commander often played chess with Jim, was indescribably grateful to him for including him in the conversation at that moment. Jim's commanding officer snapped to parade rest to give his report.

“The recalibrations were ahead of schedule and the crew was becoming restless, sir,” he said, eyes looking over the First Officer's shoulder, but lined with worry. “I had overheard Kirk and Johnson discussing needing to get in some time to spar, so I suggested we all take a break and work off some energy, keep our skills sharp. It was a challenge, sir. Kirk and Johnson would fight, then Razza would fight the winner, and so on. I intended to take on the champion. But when Kirk and Johnson were sparring, they got too enthusiastic, and Kirk didn't move out of the way fast enough. Johnson landed on him, elbow to the sternum, from a flying leap. Kirk was crushed completely beneath his much larger frame.”

“I see,” Spock responded coldly. “While an unfortunate accident, it could have likely been avoided if a practical exercise had not been treated like a game.”

“Aye, sir,” the Commander answered.

“This poor decision in command will be noted in your record, but no other actions will be taken.”

“Aye, sir, thank you, sir.”

“You are dismissed.”

Both Spock and McCoy watched the other man leave, walking stiffly and motioning for the members of his team still standing to follow him out. McCoy, scowling, turned to Spock.

“I understand what you were saying, Mr. Spock,” Leonard sighed, “but you've got to understand, sometimes, Humans at least, need to take a mundane task and turn it into a competition, have fun with it. It actually increases our productivity.” 

“You still believe this even after the injuries sustained by your lover?” Spock asked, almost disdainfully. “His productivity has not been increased, nor has that of his coworkers. If they had simply sparred in a more structured fashion, they likely would have benefited from the activity.”

“Actually, Spock,” the Captain said as he walked in, causing both Spock and McCoy to snap to attention and stop glaring at each other, at least in McCoy's case, “I hate to disagree with you, but the last time you were attacked and had to defend yourself hand to hand, how structured was that encounter?”

McCoy expected him to deflate or to bristle at being called out, but instead the Vulcan simply looked contemplative, raising an eyebrow.

“Dr. McCoy, any word on Lt. Kirk?”

“Still in surgery, sir.”

“Alright, I guess we're waiting.”

“If I may, sir,” Spock began, straightening even further. “I would be of more use on the Bridge.”

“Good point, Spock. Go take over the Con. I'll let you know when he's out of surgery.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Spock left, the door to Sickbay hissing shut behind him. McCoy continued to glare after him.

“Don't be too hard on him,” Pike said, grasping his shoulder. “He's gotten attached to Kirk. He's upset and, as a person who does his best to repress his emotions, he doesn't handle it very well when they rear their ugly heads.”

“And not waiting for Jim to come out of surgery?” Leonard asked, still annoyed.

“He deals better while working. I promise you, he cares.”

Leonard just nodded, and sat down in a seat, waiting, until he gave an embarrassed laugh.

“I shouldn't judge,” he said. “I can't sit still, either. There's no way I can get back to those reports, but I can put away the sterilized hypos.”

“And how about I go get us coffee.”

“Thank you, sir, that would be great,” he agreed as he walked away, but then turned back. “Oh, and Captain? He's in really good hands.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, not telling McCoy he already knew that. He knew McCoy telling him so was more for the doctor's sake than his own.

*~*~*~*

“Well, he's going to be good as new after some bed rest,” was the first thing Dr. Boyce said when he came out of surgery. “I swear McCoy, I was beginning to think you were his only Bones that hadn't been broken.”

Leonard rolled his eyes at the bad joke but was grinning from ear to ear. He had done his best to hide it, but he had been scared. Anything could have gone wrong. Jim's heart could have gotten damaged, his spine damaged, he could have suffered irreparable nerve damage. Bed rest? They could handle that.

“Can I see him, Phil?” he asked.

“He's being set up in a recovery room. Go sit with him while he wakes up. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you.”

The two older men watched as McCoy left the main area of Sickbay for the back where Jim would be. Once he was out of ear shot, Pike slapped Boyce on the back.

“Is it love?” he asked.

“It seems to be,” Boyce replied. “But rumor has it that it's unconsummated.”

“With Kirk's Academy reputation? Really?”

“Something's holding McCoy back,” Boyce shrugged. “Couldn't tell you what.”

Chris looked back towards the area Leonard had disappeared, deep in contemplation, before continuing, sotto voce.

“Jim's not the only Kirk with a reputation. I never told you George tried to block his reassignment, did I?”

“No. Why the hell would he do that?”

“At the time I thought he just wanted to keep a good doctor, but the more I think about it, which I have been since Jim's gotten so close to him, the more I wonder. McCoy would be just his type, but McCoy doesn't strike me as the type to willingly have an affair.”

“No, I wouldn't think so,” Boyce agreed. “Heard McCoy's marriage ended that way. Caught her with another man. Would think that'd be a sore spot for him.”

“And it was McCoy who requested a transfer. He was willing to go pretty much anywhere, I just happened to catch that he was up for grabs, and well, grabbed.”

“Think he was running from a bad situation?”

“Maybe,” Pike shrugged. “I know it would make me hesitant to start sleeping with the son if I had been sleeping with the father and it ended badly. Hell, it's kind of weird even if it had ended amicably. Think he told Jim?”

“Don't know. But Jim's not sleeping with anyone else, as far as the rumor mill goes, and he's being patient. So, maybe? Maybe it's a situation that he's understanding of, whatever that could be if his own father is involved.”

“I'm thinking if that's the case, Jim may think twice about bringing the boyfriend home,” Pike said with a shake of his head. “I'm glad Sickbay seems to be the center of the rumor mill.”

“Please, I'm just your source. I get my information from that communications officer of yours.”

*~*~*~*

Jim's last memory, before waking up in a fog of medication, was of sitting in Tactical, performing recalibrations, just counting down the time until he could see Bones. He couldn't fathom how he ended up in a bed. He became aware of fingers gently raking through his hair and a hand holding one of his. He leaned into the fingers. Was he in bed with Bones? Had they finally made love? Why couldn't he remember that? With a great deal of effort, he opened his eyes.

Bones was there, but he was looking down at him with a soft smile from where he was sitting in a chair. Jim knew his surroundings. He was in Sickbay.

“Wha' happen'?” he got out around his dry throat.

“Sparring match gone wrong.”

“Oh yeah,” he moaned as it all came back with painful clarity. “I got hit by a bus.”

“You nearly got killed.”

“Yeah, I went right when I should have gone left,” he sighed, the fog clearing as the medication that had put him under continued to leave his system.

“You're going to have to stay here for the night. So our date is canceled.”

“I'm sorry, Bones, I'll make it up to you, I...”

“I was gonna put out.”

Jim was silent, looking up at him with wide eyes. Bones just raised an eyebrow, smirk firmly in place. 

“Guess we'll just have to wait until you're fully recovered.”

“Wait, Bones,” Jim started, sounding a little desperate. “I'm feeling pretty good, we can do something, couldn't we? Hand jobs, maybe?”

“Seriously? You want our first time together to be hand jobs in Sickbay?”

“No,” Jim admitted, feeling sheepish. “I want it to be special. I'll wait.”

“Good,” McCoy smiled, leaning in to kiss him gently before sitting back up and giving him some water. “Once Dr. Boyce has checked you over and if he says I can stay with you, we'll make out. How's that?”

“Sounds perfect,” Jim replied, giving him a blinding smile. “I can definitely live with that.”

“Darl'n, I'm just glad you're still living.”

Jim grew serious when he saw how upset his boyfriend really was.

“I'm sorry, baby,” he said quietly. “I really didn't mean to upset you. It shouldn't have gone that way.”

“I know. We're always in danger of something going the way it's not supposed to. It's just, I expect it on an away mission. Not here, when you're just sparring.”

Jim just reached for his hand again, holding it in his, sharing warmth where words just weren't enough. He honestly didn't know what to say to reassure him. Away missions and rogue sparring matches weren't the only things that could injure either one of them on a star ship out in the unknown. It wasn't something the doctor needed to hear about, though. He knew.

*~*~*~*

While Jim had been allowed to go back to his own quarters the next morning, it was three days later that Boyce cleared him for duty. Pike gave him the day off to make certain he was optimal. McCoy was given the shift free because there wasn't enough work for everyone at the moment and his performance had been the highest. They both knew these reasons were bull.

“I'm cleared for duty,” Jim grinned as he walked into Leonard's quarters, holding a bottle of bourbon. “I think that means I'm...”

He was cut off by the lips hungrily devouring his. Leonard had thought to tease him, to make him work for it, but when he saw him walking in on his own power, healthy and whole, he couldn't. He just wanted his hands and mouth all over the other man. He wasn't waiting any more, not when he could lose him suddenly, for such a stupid reason.

“Naked, bed, now,” he gasped out. Jim didn't reply, just quickly complied with the order.

They came together in a tangle of limbs and gasping mouths, melding into one person. He tried not to, but Leonard couldn't help but compare Jim to his last lover. The feel was so different, the energy higher. George had been a sedate lover, taking his time even their first time, while Jim was everywhere, touching him with passion as well as reverence. He didn't want to compare, but it was easy for him to say which he preferred. Jim made him feel out of control and more in control at the same time. Once again, he was proving to be nothing like his father, and making him forget all about him with the force of his presence.

It would be the last time he would compare father and son. The last time he would be confronted with the ghost of his former lover, Jim completely exorcising him from his mind.

The next time he thought of him, it wouldn't be as a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not done with this yet, so it will be a few days before I post chapter five. I know where i'm going but I don't know how much of a scenic route i'll be taking. It will be six or seven chapters.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally, I make individual replies to comments, thanking the reader for being lovely and actually reading my unending vomit of McKirk and being the dream of all writers and leaving a comment, letting me know what they think. In this case, I had an actually high (for me) number of readers tell me they hated my George. Don't misunderstand, this was all still positive feedback and I loved it. There were differing reactions, but it all boiled down to they loved their hate of him. 
> 
> Here's my comment on George: I feel so guilty writing him like this! I don't think this is how it would have ever been in reality (did I just call Star Trek, any universe of it, reality? Don't show my husband, he may get me committed lol). I also don't think he and Wynona would have ever had an arrangement like this one. This is a really alternate universe. The George is a douche bag universe, but I needed him to be that in order to tell the story that kept running through my head of McCoy was George's boyfriend first then they break up and he ends up with Jim.
> 
> So, thank you calculatingthestars, blancanieve, and macywinstar for your loving to hate my version of George and buckle up, babies, it's getting bumpy!

“Hey mom!”

 

They were back in Earth's solar system for some much needed shore leave and a minor tune up of the Enterprise. Jim was beside himself with excitement. In a week, he and Leonard would be celebrating one year of being a couple and he had already booked them a luxurious suite overlooking the beauty of Nepal. He couldn't wait to take him there, but in the meantime, they had a week to fill before then.

 

Jim had finally told his mother about his boyfriend. It hadn't been an easy thing to decide. He wasn't sure what he should say to his mother about McCoy, but he also didn't want to hide from her the fact that he was in love. He finally just told her about them, and didn't mention that McCoy had ever been stationed on the Kelvin or what had happened there. He could only assume that she would tell his father and either he would do a good job of acting like he didn't know him or it would all blow up... without Leonard having to be in the literal middle of it.

 

“Jim! I heard that the Enterprise had entered the system. I can't wait to see you and your Bones!”

 

She was happy and smiling, the exact same eye squinting, blinding smile Jim was sporting. Jim took that to mean that either she hadn't spoken to his dad about him and Bones, she did and he had acted like he didn't know him or she did and she honestly didn't care that McCoy had been a past lover of her husband's.

 

“He's looking forward to meeting you, too, mom and I can't wait to see you.”

 

“Too bad your dad's still out of the system,” she said. “I'm sure he'd like to meet the man that's put that smile on your face.”

 

“I'm fine with him never meeting him,” Jim replied with an eye roll. “I'm serious about this mom. We wouldn't be coming if dad was going to be there.”

 

“We're going to talk about this while you're here,” she said, seriously. “You have been avoiding your father since sometime after you started at the Academy and there's this disdain you have for him that I don't understand.”

 

“You don't need to,” Jim answered, just as seriously. “This is a personal issue between us, and I'm sorry, but it's not something that you need information on. We'll talk, but I'm not giving you any real answers, not any you want, not any that you'll be satisfied with.”

 

“OK, Jim,” she nodded. “But let's just enjoy each other.”

 

“You got it, mom.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

“This is the weirdest thing I've ever done,” McCoy admitted as they walked into the space port and boarded their shuttle to Earth.

 

“I know, baby,” Jim said as he squeezed his hand in sympathy. “The week will be over before you know it, and it's just going to be me, you and mom.”

 

Jim had checked the Kelvin's orders one more time before they left the ship, making certain that she wouldn't be in orbit for another six weeks, right about the time they'd be reboarding the Enterprise and leaving. It was perfect. All he had to do was keep his mother from asking about his dad and his relationship in front of McCoy and somehow convince her that there wasn't anything she could do, or anything she needed to know. He didn't want to hurt his mother but he didn't want to traumatize Bones and he wanted them to have a good relationship with at least his mother and Sam.

 

“Jim!” his mother called as they stepped off the shuttle.

 

They met in the middle of the terminal, hugging and laughing, before Jim held his arm out to Leonard who came over, smiling nervously.

 

“Mom, this is Leonard McCoy, love of my life,” he smiled proudly.

 

“Nice to meet you, ma'am,” he said, blushing furiously at Jim's introduction and holding his hand out to shake.

 

“Call me Wynona, and come here, you,” she grinned, and pulled him into a hug as tight as the one she gave Jim, ignoring the hand. “You boys hungry? I have soup and sandwiches ready at home for lunch.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

The first day was fantastic, as far as Jim was concerned. They had gone to his childhood home and had his mom's vegetable soup with ham sandwiches. The conversation had been happy and easy, Wynona telling Leonard a few embarrassing stories from when Jim was little before asking after his own family. Finally, Jim showed Leonard around a bit before they ended up in Jim's old bedroom, collapsing together across the bed.

 

“You're mom is a ball of energy,” Bones laughed tiredly, staring up at the ceiling. “I see where you get it from. Between the two of you, this week is going to be exhausting.”

 

“But it will be good, I promise,” Jim smiled as he rolled on top of Leonard, kissing him firmly and grinding against him.

 

“Are you sure you want to do this here? Your mamma is downstairs.”

 

“Do you know how many times I was tortured by walking past my parents' room and hearing them being a little too loud.”

 

McCoy just stared up at him with wide eyes. Kirk stopped, realized what he said, and bit his bottom lip, his own eyes going comically wide.

 

“Was that in bad taste?”

 

“We've got the weirdest issues,” Bones said and then couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. He rolled Jim over until he was on top while they both giggled hysterically.

 

“I feel terrible, darl'n, I'm sorry,” Bones admitted once he calmed down. “I'm suddenly feeling like fucking you in your childhood bedroom would be passive aggressive revenge on your father. I don't ever want you to think that that's what you are to me.”

 

“Have you ever felt that way before about me and about us having sex?” Jim asked, touching his face.

 

“No,” he shook his head even as he put his hand over Jim's to keep it in place. “I have never thought of you that way. I love you, Jim, so much.”

 

“Then do you want to?” Jim asked, a wicked grin lighting up his face.

 

“Yeah I do,” Bones grinned back.

 

“Then I want you to fuck me hard and come all over my stomach, smear it in, mark me up, making me filthy with your cum.”

 

“Damn it, you keep talking like that, we'll end up skipping right over the fucking part.”

 

“That would be a damn shame.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Two hours, and a shower, later, Jim came downstairs to find his mother at the dining room table drinking a cup of hot tea. He prepared his own and sat down with her.

 

“Bones is taking a pre-dinner nap,” he explained. “I thought we could have that conversation you wanted to have while he's asleep.”

 

“I'm surprised you're not taking a nap yourself,” she smirked, but then grew serious. “Does Leonard know that you and your father have a strained relationship?”

 

“He knows,” Jim nodded. “But I don't want Leonard exposed to mine and my dad's issues. I want this week just to be about us and you. There's no point in bringing dad up at all.”

 

“Oh, Jim, I wish you would tell me what happened. The worst part is, sweetheart, is I don't think your dad understands what's wrong. He's been quiet about it, and sad. His heart's been broken by this distance between you and he doesn't know why.”

 

“No, he probably doesn't,” Jim sighed. “I know this is hard to understand with as little information as I'm giving you, but telling him won't help. His understanding of the situation won't make it any better. I promise you that.”

 

“How can that be? If you two talked about it, it would probably turn out to be a misunderstanding, and if not, maybe you two can come to an understanding...”

 

“No,” Jim interrupted her. “I've accepted I won't be spending any significant time with him again. And that does make me sad, mom. I don't want you to think I made this decision lightly. I... I love him. I do love him. But I don't respect him, haven't for a long time. I wish I could tell you why, but I don't want our relationship to be damaged, or your relationship with him to be damaged, because I don't think it really involves you.”

 

“How can it not involve me, Jim,” she argued. “I'm his wife and your mother.”

 

“Because you would probably take sides, and I'm afraid you'll take his.”

 

Jim didn't even realize he felt that way, but once he said it, he knew it was true. If his father was unhappy with Jim being involved with one of his ex-lovers, his mother would probably also be upset about it. Or maybe he wouldn't be upset, maybe he'd wake up in the middle of the night to find them laughing over what happened between George and Leonard. Jim didn't want to find out his mother was just as cavalier with someone's heart. He didn't want to know if she would make fun of Leonard for falling in love with his captain. He didn't want to feel about his mother the way he felt about his father. If he had to choose between her and Bones... he'd make the same decision he made with George.

 

“I guess I can't promise I won't do that,” she admitted. “I can't make any promises without knowing what's going on.”

 

“Which is why this is for the best. Please trust me, mom. It's really for the best.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

They had a pleasant dinner, Wynona not bringing up their conversation and Leonard being none the wiser about what had happened during his nap. But Jim knew she was still thinking about it and he knew that she still didn't agree with him. He went to sleep, in his bed with Bones in his arms, feeling a little uneasy, but hopeful that his mother would respect his wishes.

 

The next morning, however, right after breakfast, that hope was dashed. Walking in the door like his presence was a wonderful surprise was George Kirk. Jim turned to look at Leonard quickly, watching as all the color drained from his face, before his jaw firmed and a look of acceptance settled across his features.

 

“Guess what ship came in early!” he announced.

 

“I checked yesterday,” Jim responded coldly. “It still said you weren't due in for six weeks.”

 

“I know,” he answered, his face dropping at Jim's reaction. “We finished up the survey mission and reported we were coming in early, but I guess they didn't update the system. Your mom said we'd surprise you and your boyfriend.”

 

“Really,” he said, shooting her an accusing look. She at least had the decency to look guilty.

 

“Hello, sir,” Bones interrupted, stepping forward with his hand extended, looking more like he was going to his execution than meeting his boyfriend's father. “Leonard McCoy. I've been seeing your son for the past year.”

 

“So, you're the man my son calls 'Bones'” he shook his hand, looking shell shocked, but holding it together. “What's the story behind that? If you don't mind my asking.”

 

“Not at all. I told him about a situation I knew deep in my bones wasn't right, but I didn't listen. I advised him to listen to his bones. He decided that meant listening to me, so I became his Bones, even when we were just friends.”

 

“That's... interesting.”

 

McCoy nodded, then turned back to Jim, who could tell he had used up all his reserve of 'holding it together' in that moment and he was all out.

 

“I forgot something upstairs this morning,” he said before turning back to the elder Kirk. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Once he disappeared up the stairs, Jim turned on his mother.

 

“I told you I didn't want him here. Why would you think this was a good idea?”

 

“I just thought that if you could talk, if George understood... Jim, I'm sorry, I should have listened to you. What does Leonard have to do with this?”

 

“That's your boyfriend,” George muttered. “Do you even know? OK, I can see on your face, you do. But I don't think you understand. I didn't do anything wrong. Your mother and I...”

 

“I know!” Jim finally bellowed. “But I also know that everyone is supposed to know where they stand, no one is serious, no one gets hurt. And I saw you and him, right after we were supposed to have beamed down, and he didn't know, dad, he didn't know for two years and he got hurt, and you only cared about yourself and you getting what you wanted! I care about him, I love and respect him, I lost all respect for you that day.”

 

“What the hell is going on? Jim, what are you talking about?”

 

“I didn't want you to know this,” Jim finally said, turning to her, “but Leonard was dad's lover on the Kelvin for two years. It ended shortly after our visit before I started the Academy.”

 

“But, but that was years ago. Leonard isn't that much older than you. He would have only been, what, a Lieutenant at most at the time?”

 

“Yeah, I think he was a Lieutenant Junior Grade.”

 

“OK, that's... I don't like that,” she shook her head. “The difference in power... I know it's hard for a captain, but there's plenty of commanders onboard who would have been willing partners. And what did you mean 'he didn't know?' I need you to tell me, Jim.”

 

“Bones admits he knew something wasn't right and he should have looked into it,” he sighed, finally accepting he had to come completely clean, but realizing his mother's reaction wasn't going to be what he had feared it might be. “He assumed you and dad were divorced. He was swept off his feet and he fell in love. He told George he loved him, told him about his dreams for them having a future together. Dad never said anything to dissuade him. When he saw you and him together... he was devastated. He wanted to break up, but... I guess it was hard. He stayed with him a few days more before leaving and requesting a transfer. I think George had admitted he knew Bones wouldn't want to be involved with a married man, to just have an arrangement even with the spouse being fine with it, so he just kept his mouth shut.”

 

“You're being awful quiet about this George,” Wynona said, turning towards where her husband had been standing, daggers in her eyes. “What do you have to say... George? Did you see him leave the room?”

 

“Oh god. Bones.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Leonard quietly closed the door to Jim's room, though what he wanted to do was slam it, and leaned against it heavily. He knew he'd eventually have to face George. He just didn't think it would be right then and he hadn't realized how strongly he would react. If more time had passed, if they had both been warned and had a chance to prepare....

 

But that hadn't happened. Leonard pushed off the door and began to quickly pack his things. He went ahead and packed Jim's, too, in case he wanted to come with him, but he planned on telling him he'd be fine if he wanted to stay and visit with his parents. No matter what, he wasn't going to interfere in Jim's time with his family, but he couldn't stay. He'd have to apologize to Wynona... and George, he cringed... and promise to visit more fully another time. When the door opened behind him, he turned around, expecting to see Jim.

 

“Leaving already?” George asked in a seemingly genuine manner. “I just got here.”

 

“George, I can't do this right now,” Leonard hissed and turned back to his duffle, zipping it closed.

 

“Do what? I didn't come up here to argue with you,” he sighed. “Sweetheart, I never wanted you to leave. I've missed you, more than I can say. And clearly, you've missed me, too.”

 

“What?” Leonard turned around, looking at him incredulously. “Where did you manage to get that idea from?”

 

“My god, it's so obvious,” he smiled, gripping Leonard's biceps even as the younger man took a step away from him. “You couldn't stand to be around me anymore, but you ended up with my son? He's just a younger version of me. I can understand the appeal of youth, mind you, but I think you need someone who's... more of a daddy.”

 

“He is nothing like you,” Leonard tried pulling away, only to be hauled closer, into George's chest. “And we never had that kind of relationship. I don't want that kind of a relationship. I want to be my partner's equal.”

 

With that, he stomped on George's foot, kneed him in the groin and delivered an upper cut to his chin, sending him crashing into the wall beside the door just as Jim and Wynona came bursting into the room.

 

“Yeah, Bones!” Jim exclaimed. “I knew teaching you to fight would come in handy!”

 

“I did, too, but I thought I'd use it on an away mission, not in your childhood bedroom,” he groused, rubbing his knuckles.

 

“George,” Wynona said coldly, looking down at where he was sprawled. “Why were you sleeping with an officer so junior to you? One so young?”

 

“Oh, come on,” George whined, pulling himself up. “It's not a big deal, the rank and age difference. It happens all the time.”

 

“But you lied to him.”

 

“No, I just didn't correct him when he was lying to himself.”

 

“And you tried to stop my transfer, a promotion, really, when I wanted out,” Leonard threw in, just for good measure.

 

“You what?” Wynona asked, horrified.

 

“You what?” Jim echoed his mother, sounding even more betrayed than before. “You would interfere with his career like that? Would you be OK with someone doing that to me?”

 

“I,” George stuttered, seeming to finally understand what he had tried to do. “I didn't think of it like that, I just wanted him to stay. And what are you so upset about? You've got your own side piece who has a lot of power.”

 

“I'm a grown woman who can hold her own and I'm closer in rank to Alex than you were to Leonard. And speaking of my 'side piece,' you mess around with young subordinates and try to interfere in their careers, I'll ask him to give you what you deserve. A promotion. Right off the Kelvin and behind a desk!”

 

George, who had managed to get to his feet, turned pale.

 

“I think you're over reacting,” he tried to rally. “Why don't you say something to Len? He traded in your husband for your son! You can't possibly think that he did that without a thought for me. This is either to get back at me, or a desire to get back with me!”

 

“This is what it's going to be like isn't it?” Leonard asked, drawing the fighting pair's attention to him. “I can't be with Jim, not without causing a rift in his family. And if we try to make it work, with everyone, it will be civil war when ever we get together. I can't do this. I can't live like that and I can't do this to him.”

 

He turned to Jim, and with tears in his eyes, pulled him into a hug and then a tender kiss. He pressed their foreheads together for a moment before picking his bag up and heading out the door.

 

“I'm sorry, darl'n,” he whispered as he walked down the stairs.

 

“Wait, no! Bones!”

 

Jim went after him, but didn't stop him, just walked down the stairs and out of the front door with him. Once the door closed with a slam, Wynona turned back to George, looking sad and devastated.

 

“How could you do that?” she asked. “Do you love Len?”

 

“No,” he whispered, looking shell shocked. “I love you. I. I guess I didn't realize how obsessed with him I was. I didn't think I was, I mean I barely thought of him once he was gone, but then I saw him and realized he was with Jim and I didn't... I didn't want Jim to have what was mine.”

 

“You selfish asshole. Those two boys, and they are boys compared to you, are in love. I've never seen Jim so happy. If you've destroyed what they have together, you won't have any of us. I'll never forgive you for hurting my son.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Leonard stopped once he was out of sight of the house and pulled out his comm, signaling a taxi to come and get him. He knew Jim had been quietly following him, walking by his side like he so often did. The thought that they wouldn't be sharing quiet walks through the ship anymore made his heart ache and his eyes sting.

 

“Bones,” Jim said softly, touching his arm as if he was afraid he'd break apart if he touched too hard. “Please don't let George win this one.”

 

“You're calling him George, not dad,” Leonard pointed out. “Me and you, together, it will ruin your family.”

 

“You breaking up with me won't change that, it's done,” Jim choked out. “And he did it, not you. I lost respect for him years ago, before you and I got together. And yes, it was because of what he did to you, but it wasn't because of you. Part of it was that I realized he'd be capable of treating anyone like that.”

 

Leonard shook his head. He couldn't do this.

 

“Jim, your family will heal from this, eventually. But not if I'm in it.”

 

“Bones, no,” Jim pleaded as the taxi slid up beside them and McCoy opened the back door. “Leonard, please, don't do this. I love you.”

 

“I love you, too, kid,” he said as he got in, “but that's not enough this time.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Jim only went back to the house long enough to grab his bag and then he was on a transport to San Francisco. There, he met up with old friends, got blinding drunk and messaged Leonard a number of embarrassing texts that were all basically begging him to come back. He ended up canceling their anniversary trip.

 

*~*~*~*

 

When leave was over and he got back to the Enterprise, Jim felt wrung out. It was a relief to be getting back to work. He walked through the ship towards his quarters, feeling like everyone was giving him sympathetic looks. When he got there, he dropped his bag and looked around. What few things Bones had always left behind were gone. He sat heavily in his desk chair until his door chimed and he called out an enter, only to jump to his feet when the captain came in.

 

“Sit down, son, this is a social visit,” Pike said, waving his hand and taking a seat on the edge of Jim's bunk. “I wanted to see if you were OK. Dr. McCoy seemed really grim, even for him, when he asked to be sent on the Risa relief mission. Phil and I have a bet that the sudden desire to go help a new member planet with a strange viral infection has something to do with you.”

 

“He's leaving?” Jim asked in shock. “He's transferring?”

 

“No,” Pike said. “It's not a transfer. He'll still be a member of this crew. But the Risans needed researchers and doctors to help figure out what's making some of them so sick and to set up Federation level medical facilities. It's a long term assignment, though, and McCoy qualifies to lead the whole thing, honestly. They say once it's all put together, the planet will be an amazing vacation spot.”

 

Jim felt cold all over. He had been clinging to the hope that he'd at least get a chance to talk to Leonard, to try and convince him... but Leonard would have been afraid he'd try just that. It would have been very uncomfortable for them both. With a painful heart, he realized that Leonard was worried he'd harass him like his father had. And he might have. Just because it would have been out of love not obsession didn't make it better. He finally understood he wasn't getting him back. He'd have to let him go.

 

“When does he leave?” he asked, numbness settling over him.

 

“He's already left, son,” Pike said as gently as possible. “So you two did break up.”

 

“Did you know when he transferred to the Enterprise it was to get away from an affair gone wrong?”

 

“I suspected,” Pike sighed. “Did you just find out?”

 

“No, I knew the whole time. I witnessed the end of it, just didn't realize it at the time. It just came to an ugly head during shore leave.”

 

“Can it be fixed? Maybe with some time apart...”

 

“No. No I don't think so.”

 

And Jim broke down into tears. Pike held him, solidifying his place in Jim's life as a father; more so than the man who was married to his mother.

 

*~*~*~*

 

The next morning, waking up with what felt like a hangover but was just the result of having cried himself to sleep, Jim pulled out his comm and sent Leonard a message.

 

//I just wanted to apologize. Not just for my father's behavior, but for my own as well. I will respect your wishes, but you will always have a place in my life, if you want it. You were my best friend before anything else, and I hope you will be again after some time apart. Good luck out there. You're going to find that cure. I know, because you're the best damn doctor in the 'fleet. Stay safe.

 

Lt. Cmdr. James T. Kirk, USS Enterprise//

 

He had coffee, but skipped breakfast, then went on to his shift. He wasn't ready to sit in the mess without Leonard, yet. He ignored everyone's curious looks. He had come to realize that while some suspected he and Leonard had broken up, they didn't know. They just knew that McCoy was off the ship, for probably the next several months. He wasn't going to confirm nor deny their speculations.

 

When he went off duty for lunch, he was relieved to see a message from Bones.

 

//I'd like that. Thank you. Stay out of trouble, kid. I'll see you in a few months.//

 

It would be two years.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I know that sucked, and I'm kinda sorry. I was going to make it a few months then let them see each other again, but Jim will be a captain when they do, and I wasn't making him a 22/23 yo captain. In TOS he was the youngest person to make captain in Starfleet history at the time, at 29. He was captain by 25 in AOS. I'm going with AOS on that one just so we're not waiting another four years.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all feedback! It gave me the encouragement I needed to get through this! Not that I had a lot of trouble, I already knew what was going to happen lol.
> 
> Thank you, macywinstar, KrissiTheStarfleetCaptain, Finnegancat, Hboomer, Lindsay Janssens, calculatingthestars, MidArmJewel for your comments, compliments and encouragement. I'm not sorry for hurting your hearts and making you cry. I cried, too, so suffer with me! I hated leaving them for two years apart, but you're right, they needed that break, and they kept in contact and repaired their friendship. That has to come first.

“Doctor McCoy, Bones, welcome back aboard the Enterprise.”

 

Leonard stepped off the transporter pad and into a warm, two handed handshake with the man who had once been his lover and had, with some work, managed to return to being his best friend.

 

“Glad to be back, Jim. Or should I say, Captain?”

 

“I do not want my CMO calling me anything but Jim,” the other man laughed, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides.

 

It had only been two years since they saw each other in person, but Jim had more of those lines around his eyes. He also had a stiffer spine and a more commanding way of holding himself. Leonard figured being a captain at the tender age of twenty five (and he had only just turned twenty five) would do that to a man. He was more serious than the young man he had fallen in love with, and whose heart he had ultimately broken alongside his own, but he was just as beautiful.

 

“Come on, Bones. The ensign will take your bags to your quarters. Let's get a drink.”

 

“Sounds good, Jimmy.”

 

It was strange, but good, to be walking side by side down the corridors of the Enterprise again. Leonard had pushed all of this aside, not letting himself think about this man in the manner he used to. But now, here with him, he felt a lump rise in his throat at the familiar feel of it, the only thing missing, their fingers tangled together. But, they wouldn't be, if they had stayed together the entire time and Jim had made captain. Captain and CMO had to behave differently than two Lieutenant Commanders.

 

“Nice,” Leonard smiled as they entered the captain's quarters. “You finally have a room bigger than mine.”

 

“Guess this means we have to have nightly drinks here instead of at yours.”

 

Leonard's heart lept at that thought, but it was another thing he pushed down, for his own sanity. He waited until Jim poured him a drink, then sat next to him on the sofa, before turning to his old friend.

 

“I was sorry to here about Pike,” he said with sympathy. “Phil says he's doing real good, though.”

 

“Yeah, said he'd walk again,” Jim nodded. “He may always need a cane, but if it hadn't been for Spock, well, he'd probably be dead.”

 

“I've been wanting to ask. Why didn't Spock get command?”

 

“He didn't want it. Spock said he's never had the desire to command and Command was excited that he'd want to stay as head of the sciences division. Seems he's the best research scientist in the 'fleet. Excluding present company, of course.”

 

McCoy chuckled with Jim and bumped the offered glass with his own.

 

“We're in different branches of the sciences,” he laughed, knowing damn well Jim was aware of this. “They don't lump the hard sciences with medical.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

They were quiet for a moment, sipping on their drinks, but it was a companionable silence. Leonard turned his empty glass in his hands and considered getting up for another one.

 

“How's your mom?” he asked, finally deciding to broach a subject he knew Jim wouldn't see coming.

 

“Good. Since the divorce, she's been seeing more of ole Alex,” he gave a chuckle, shaking his head. “Only met him the once, when I took command, but he's intense. Smart, too. Told me mom and Pike were proud of me, didn't mention George.”  
  


“Smart man.” He took a breath. “George getting anywhere with re-courting your mother?”

 

“What?” Jim looked at him in surprise. “I didn't tell you about that.”

 

“No, he did.”

 

“Bones....”

 

“The one and only time he commed me,” he was quick to add. “I told him not to contact me again, I wouldn't be answering. But, he told me about the promotion, losing the Kelvin, the divorce... he then apologized for all the bullshit. Told me he destroyed his family, not me. It would have happened whether I was there or not, just might have happened in a different way, maybe a little later. Hell, maybe a little earlier. I told him I knew that, I wasn't blaming myself, I just knew my presence made it worse.”

 

“I don't think it did,” Jim said quietly, not meeting his eyes. “That rift would have been caused whether you and I were together or not. It was going on for three years before we met on this ship. Mom still would have forced the conversation, it would have all still come out and she would have been just as mad and done the same thing even if he hadn't been upstairs attempting to assault you. He had a bruise for days, by the way.”

 

“Good,” McCoy chortled, before shooting Jim a meaningful eyebrow. “Jim, you have to admit, it was damn awkward that you were dating your dad's ex side piece.”

 

“Yeah, I know. But,” he shook his head, deciding not to finish what he was going to say. “But, yeah. Yeah, I think mom's softening a little. At best, George may end up being the side piece, though.”

 

“That's funny.”

 

Leonard finally got up to get that second drink and poured Jim one, too.

 

“You know, he also made the suggestion that now things have calmed down you and I could probably make a real go of it. He wouldn't cause any problems, and maybe someday we could all be a happy family.”

 

“Is he delusional?”

 

McCoy nearly spit his drink out. Once he managed to get it down, burning all the way, and stopped laughing, he looked over at Jim with a sparkle in his eye.

 

“I asked him the same thing!”

 

“Then he must be,” he laughed. “He's been trying to get on my good side. He's never going to have a relationship with me, he's just going to have to accept that. He took the one thing....”

 

Jim knocked back the rest of his drink instead of finishing that sentence and McCoy gripped his tighter. He knew what he was going to say, or something like it. George had taken the one thing he wanted most in the galaxy from him, too. And he did it without a thought for how anyone else felt.

 

“He all but told me that he wanted me and you back together because he thought it would go a long way to making things easier for him with your mom. He's a narcissist, Jim. Classic case. That's a mental disorder and it's not something that can be cured with a pill or a hypo. And George's level of disorder isn't considered a bad thing in the 'fleet.”

 

“Selfish asshole.”

 

“Cheers. I'll drink to that.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Jim Kirk had thought he had lost all belief in hope, that it had left with one Leonard McCoy, but he was wrong. Seeing him again, the ease that they sat and talked, even about their most painful joint experience... Jim knew he still loved Leonard, and he knew Leonard still loved him. That was never in question. He just had to convince Leonard that it was worth it, that they could be together without world ending consequences, that them being together would not change anything with his family.

 

About a month after his arrival, Bones showed up for dinner, expecting to walk down to the mess with the captain. Instead, he found two meals laid out on a table for them. The setup wasn't particularly romantic, but he wasn't stupid.

 

“Jim...”

 

“Come on, Bones. You said you'd have dinner with me. This is dinner.”

 

Warily, he walked the rest of the way into his friend's quarters and sat down at the table. He looked across at Jim, a sad smile on his face.

 

“This isn't a good idea, Jim.”

 

“What? Eating?”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

Jim sighed and reached across the table for his hand. After a moment, Leonard gave in and slid his fingers into the other man's palm. Jim took a moment to gather his thoughts and to just feel Bone's fingers clasped in his again.

 

“Staying apart isn't going to change anything that happened in the past,” he began carefully. “I'm not going to magically just make up with my father. That's not how respect works. He lost my respect that day all those years ago, all by himself. He could have regained it, but even his efforts to do just that have fallen flat. You yourself said it. It's all about him and how things affect him. I can't have a relationship with someone like that. You being with me or not won't change that, I promise. And mom still loves you. She only met you briefly, but she still wishes you were around. And Sam... he still has a relationship with George, but it seems he's understood his failings for longer than any of us and only sees him for short periods of time. But he'd like to meet you. He said he regretted not getting to know you before we fell apart. I still have a family, Bones; that won't change. The only change would be adding you to it and it would be a wonderful change.”

 

“I don't know, Jim,” he huffed, his fingers tightening briefly around Jim's before pulling away. “I guess I'm scared. I know I did the right thing in leaving for awhile, but is getting back together now the right thing? I mean, we've gotten our friendship back on track, we've gotten over each other...”

 

“Have you? I haven't gotten over you.”

 

Bones wouldn't meet his eyes at that, and Jim saw it as a victory - and time to back off.

 

“Listen, if you don't love me anymore, OK. I still love you, but I can live with just friendship. Just... give me a heads up if there's someone else.”

 

“There isn't,” Bones was quick to assure, almost automatically, and he blushed hotly.

 

“OK. Just... if there ever is... I don't want to find out any way other than you telling me.”

 

“Yeah, um, you too.”

 

It was Jim's turn to give Leonard a sad smile.

 

“That's not something you're going to have to worry about with me. Now, let's eat. It's getting cold.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

McCoy didn't hear from Kirk for two days after that. He was afraid he had damaged their friendship again, but then he was back, dragging him to the mess for dinner and then back to his quarters for a drink as if nothing had happened. There weren't anymore private dinners, but there were other things – a movie night with them and a few other people where they were crowded so close together on the captain's sofa they were practically cuddling; drinks on the observation deck while they were parked next to a beautiful nebula because Jim supposedly had a broken personal environmental unit that engineering was fixing; Jim needing his opinion on something that somehow led to a walk in the arboretum.

 

Leonard lay on his bed, three months into all this passive aggressive wooing, and tried to think of what he should do. Part of him, a large part if he was honest, wanted to just ignore it, because he was enjoying it. Another part of him wanted to ignore it because he thought that was the best way to make Jim think it wasn't working, though it totally was. Then there was the small part of him that wanted to tell the other man to cut it out and stop torturing them both. That was the part of him that was holding Jim's antique book of Shakespearean sonnets against his chest as he lay there because Jim supposedly had accumulated too much stuff and was getting rid of some of it and thought Bones would like it,. That side wasn't winning.

 

He knew he had to hold on... but he couldn't remember, exactly, why. Jim had made some damn good points and wasn't it really his fear that was holding him back from his ex-lover? Wasn't he letting that asshat of an ex win? Then again, asshat had changed his tune lately and wanted them back together, so if he didn't want him to win... but that was letting the man control his life, wasn't it?

 

Bones put the book gently on his side table and, with a groan, covered his head with a pillow. He'd figure it out in the morning. Or maybe next week.

 

Unfortunately, Nibiru happened, and Jim managed to lose his command.

 

*~*~*~*

 

“Damn it,” Leonard was muttering to himself as he hurriedly stripped out of his uniform and threw on jeans and a button up. “Damn it, Jim, how did you manage this?”

 

After a very long day of debriefs, he had finally been released, only to get a system alert comm letting everyone know that the Enterprise had a new command team. Pike was back in charge, Jim was first officer and Spock wasn't on the manifest. He was just grateful he was still listed as CMO. He could only guess that that debacle with the volcano and the Prime Directive did it. He needed to find Jim, who was probably in the seediest bar he could find, and let him know he was on his side about this one. About every one.

 

When he was finally ready, he opened his door to find a surprised Jim Kirk with his hand raised, about to hit the chime.

 

“Where are you going? You look like you've got a hot date,” Jim said in an accusing tone.

 

“I was going to look for you,” Bones replied, ignoring the tone.

 

“But I'm right here.”

 

“I know that... oh for the love of an idiot get in here.”

 

Jim slunk in as Leonard hung his jacket back up and went in search of alcohol. They had gone right from the ship into meetings so he hadn't actually been back to his San Francisco apartment until that evening and when he got there he was more interested in going right back out than making sure there were provisions. Mercifully, he found an old bottle of scotch hiding in the back of a cabinet. He grabbed that and two tumblers before he joined Jim where he has sprawled on his couch.

 

“What the hell happened?” he asked after they had both had a sip.

 

“Spock told the truth on his report,” Jim answered with fatality in his voice.

 

“Why the hell would he do that?!”

 

“He thought I would tell the truth, too. We should have coordinated, I guess.”

 

“My god, that's what Boyce meant,” Leonard sighed, covering his face with his hands.

 

“What?”

 

“Well, I told a pack of lies in my report, too,” he admitted. “Lucky for me the Head of Starfleet Medical believes in backing up your captain and he doesn't have to clear anything through the Head of Starfleet. He congratulated me on sticking by you through thick and thin. Oh my god, what did ole Alex say?”

 

“Heard it from ole Chris,” Jim replied, draining his glass. “Mom's gonna kill me.”

 

Leonard took Jim's empty glass from his hand and put them both on his coffee table, then he pulled Jim into a hug. Jim didn't let go, though, he held on desperately, shivering. That's when Leonard made a decision he just knew he was going to regret. He pulled away enough to get Jim to look at him, then took his mouth in a searing kiss. When they parted, Jim gave him a confused look.

 

“We're friends,” he explained, “and sometimes friends... you know... when one or both need the comfort.”

 

“I need the comfort,” Jim nodded, eyes watering up a little. “I won't expect anything, Bones, promise, but I really need you right now.”

 

“I know, Darl'n. Come on.”

 

They stood and Leonard led him by the hand back to his bedroom. When they made love, it was with an aching tenderness that reminded both of them of their first days so in love with each other. Bones didn't know if he could come back from it with his heart intact.

 

*~*~*~*

 

They were laying in each other's arms, their skin cooling and Leonard wondering if he could tell Jim no ever after that, when there was another chime at the door.

 

“What the hell?” he asked himself, even as he was disentangling himself from a Jim that had become all arms and legs and pulling on sweatpants and a t-shirt. When he opened the door, it was to find Chris Pike standing there.

 

“Sir, how can I help you?” he asked, then added, “It's good to see you've recovered even better than Dr. Boyce thought you would.”

 

“Thank you, McCoy,” he replied with a tight smile. “I hate to interrupt your night, but I'm looking for Kirk. I thought I'd find him in a bar, but that didn't pan out, so...”

 

“Right here, sir.”

 

Jim had slid up behind Leonard, fully dressed and not a hair out of place. Leonard moved aside, letting him step out into the hall to talk to their captain while he went and cleaned himself up better and put on his actual clothes. By the time he was done, Jim was back inside, giving him a brief hug.

 

“I have to go to a meeting,” he huffed. “Thank you, so much, Bones.”

 

“No problem, kid,” he replied, and Jim threw him that smile that he used to give him when they were lovers, one that he was only just realizing had been reserved for him and he hadn't seen if far too long, as he walked out the door.

 

McCoy was so screwed.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Then Kahn happened. Such a simple phrase, for such destruction, Leonard thought as he stood in Sickbay and let the tears pour down his numb face as the body bag containing his captain, his best friend and his entire world was unzipped in front of him. He wanted to scream the way they said Spock did down in Engineering, but he couldn't find his voice. Jim had lost Pike and McCoy had barely got to even squeeze his shoulder in sympathy before he lost Jim.

 

What was he going to tell his mother? He thought about whether or not he should contact George, but he was worried he'd say things even that man didn't deserve. Not in the face of the death of son. Surely, that would devastate him, wouldn't it? There was a coldness seeping into his heart, and he wondered if he was about to have a heart attack, if he was even going to live long enough to tell anyone, or if he'd have to leave all that up to Spock.

 

A bitter regret suddenly gripped him, tart in its feeling, screaming at him...

 

“Doctor! The tribble!”

 

“.... Get me a cryotube!”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Three days. Bones stood over Jim Kirk, breathing steady on a biobed, at Starfleet Medical. He had been in a coma for three days after the serum made from the augment's blood had taken hold and he was showing no sign of waking up. Everyone had been by to see him. It had gotten to the point that McCoy had worked up a visiting schedule and sent it to everyone, just to make sure to keep it to one visitor at a time and giving everyone a fair amount of time to sit with their captain and talk to him. Those who were unsure about talking to a coma patient had been reassured by McCoy that he might be able to hear, and it might make him wake up sooner.

 

He hoped so, which is why after visiting hours, he took the seat next to him, and held his hand. He gently stroked the soft skin on the back and looked down at the peaceful face. He spoke to him, giving him updates on the ship's status whether or not someone else had already done so, and telling him whatever stories he could think of. It always ended the same way though, with him bending his head over the hand gripped in his, kissing his knuckles and telling him the same thing.

 

“Oh, Jim, I'm sorry I was so stubborn. You were right. It was just letting other people win, other people control our lives, to stay apart for as long as we did. I don't regret the two years I was on Risa. I did good work there, but I wish I had just stepped off that transporter and right into your arms and begged you to take me back. I love you, Darl'n, and if you just wake up, I'll never leave you again.”

 

Then he'd weep, while praying to deities he wasn't sure he believed in.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have Leonard step off that transporter, right into Jim's arms. Ahhh! That wouldn't have had the level of drama I wanted. And yes, George is a big asshat. Even when he's making up with people, it's all about him! I can't imagine the AOS George as being that way, as Hboomer pointed out, maybe George was a jerk in the original timeline, too. We only saw him at the end of his life (nah lol).
> 
> Into Darkness fan speculation ahead!:  
> I love the idea of McCoy angsting over Kirk, hoping he'll wake up after being infused with Kahn's blood, not knowing when, or if, he will. I loved it in other fics and I'm clearly using it here. However, I don't think that's what was going on in the scene in the movie. I only mention it because I'm writing a story where that scene will be different, more like the movie, with McCoy all 'stop being a baby.' I think once the blood took hold and his heart started beating and he had brain activity, McCoy knew he'd be fine and he spent that two weeks getting some much needed rest lol. When Kirk woke up, Spock was standing right there, all clean and pressed and non-rumpled and McCoy was futzing with the biobed settings. I think he was in an induced coma and McCoy called Spock and was like 'hey, get down here, I'm waking numbnuts up.'


	7. Seven

Wynona hadn't been able to make it to see Jim until day four, but when she arrived, Leonard was tempted to give her a hypo and a biobed next to her son's. She looked like hell. There were dark circles under her eyes and the blond hair that battled Jim's for the brightest gold in the room hung limp and dull around her shoulders. She looked like she'd been crying for days and hadn't slept a wink that entire time.

 

Then he remembered... she had more on her mind than just Jim, though that was probably enough to give her new gray hairs. She sat down beside him and took his hand, looking down at the face of her youngest as he fought for his life.

 

“Why, Leonard?” she asked without looking away from Jim. “Why do the men I love end up trying to hurt my baby? His own father didn't care about him being in love and then Alex... my god, he literally set him up to die and then tried to kill him himself when my brilliant boy outsmarted him.”

 

McCoy hung his head. He hadn't realized she had transferred her affections from her husband to her boyfriend, but he supposed it made sense with how hard he had worked to win her over. He wondered if there had been some sort of plan brewing the entire time, if he knew that he may eventually need the young man stationed on the Enterprise, who was close to Pike and who ended up becoming captain. He may not have known how he'd use him, but it wasn't too far fetched to believe he would come in handy some day. Leonard had some hope that maybe the man had really loved her, but his obsession got in the way and made him single minded.

 

“It's not you, Wynona,” Leonard assured her as he gripped her shoulder. “I can't tell you what it is, just horrible luck, I suppose, but it's not you.”

 

She reached up to hold the hand that was on her shoulder and together they maintained a vigil beside Jim.

 

*~*~*~*

 

She was a silent presence even as others visited Jim. She and Leonard took turns getting the two of them coffee and food, and one would watch Jim when the other left long enough to shower and get clean clothes. His mother was the only person McCoy could stand to leave Jim alone with, and vise versa seemed to be true. When George came to visit, Leonard left the room, but Wynona stayed, teeth gritted, standing guard over her child.

 

Day twelve, Leonard finally got to meet Sam.

 

He and his family were living on Earth Colony II. The minute they heard about Jim they had packed up and made the trip back to Earth, Sam, Peter and Aurelean, who was heavily pregnant with their second child. She hadn't cared – she was going to be there for her brother in law.

 

“Maybe I'll have the kid in a shuttle,” she shrugged. “Wouldn't be the worst thing.”

 

Peter, who was six, almost seven (and didn't that put things into perspective for Leonard, remembering how George had told him he was going to be a grandfather) looked scared as he gazed at his unconscious uncle. Leonard had been able to reassure him, though, the man was just in a deep sleep and was having a hard time waking up, that maybe his family talking to him and holding his hand would help. So the little redheaded, freckle faced boy took a large hand into his tiny one and told him about his model ship collection back home and the kids he went to school with.

 

“Mom and dad say I'm having a brother,” he said. “I wanted a puppy, but mom said that's not an option. She said she was offended I even suggested it. Don't know why. Puppies are awesome.”

 

Everyone giggled through their tears and Leonard suddenly understood what Jim had been saying about still having a family. And no, his presence hadn't changed that at all. If anything, he seemed to have become a part of that family regardless of time and distance and how hard he had tried not to.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Wynona took Auralean and Peter to her apartment to rest while Sam stayed with Leonard, watching over Jim.

 

“I'm glad you're here,” Sam said after awhile. “Those two years you weren't on the ship, Jim really missed you.”

 

“I missed him, too,” Leonard admitted. “Honestly, I'm surprised you don't hate me for leaving him like that.”

 

Sam gave a humorless chuckle and shook his head.

 

“All I needed to know was my dad had been involved and that answered any questions I had as to who was to blame,” he sighed. “He could turn a stranger's funeral into a celebration of himself. Don't know how he manages it. Mom gave me the details, probably more than you'd be comfortable with me knowing, but once I heard, I was completely on your side. Getting the hell out was the best thing you could have done. Two years... that may have been making it longer than necessary, but I understand that Starfleet personnel don't always have a say in how long their assignments last.”

 

“I didn't want to be gone that long, but that was how long they needed me. I probably would have been gone another three or four months, but then Jim needed a CMO and that trumped the relief mission, considering how far along it was.”

 

“Well, I'm glad you finally came back,” Sam nodded. “Did you and Jim get back together right away?”

 

Leonard stared down at his hands, not knowing how to answer that. 'Honestly' was probably the correct answer, but he wasn't sure how to explain to Jim's brother why he hadn't just flung himself at him the minute he knew Jim wanted him back.

 

“You guys didn't get back together?” Sam asked sounding shocked. “I can't say that I get it. You two needed the time apart, but after that... Well, I don't know you well enough to say anything about what you should and shouldn't do, that's your business, but the way Jim talked about you and how mom said you loved him back, I'm just surprised, I guess.”

 

“Yeah, I'm surprised at myself sometimes, too.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Fifteen days into Jim's coma, Spock stopped by for his scheduled visit to find the Kirk family no where in sight and Dr. McCoy in the visitor's seat holding his hand, gently stroking his hair and talking softly to him with a fond look on his face.

 

“My apologies, doctor,” Spock said as he turned to go. “I did not realize you were not done...”

 

“No, come on in Spock,” he smiled, the first genuine smile in a long time. “Jim's just asleep, now. He's regaining consciousness. He should be awake in just a few minutes. His mom and them are on their way back, but I don't think they're going to make it back in time to see him first wake up.”

 

Spock nodded and took up a position by the bed, feeling as if he were intruding as McCoy continued to speak soothing words to their captain, encouraging him to fully wake up. Finally, the doctor stood and began to check Jim's readings, nodding and muttering to himself. Spock was about to ask if he were certain that Jim would awaken soon when, to the complete non-surprise of the doctor, Jim jerked awake.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Jim woke with a start, wondering where the hell he was.

 

“Don't be so dramatic,” a familiar voice drawled. “You were only dead for a little while. It was the transfusion that really took its toll.”

 

Bones. He looked around, realizing he was in a hospital. On Earth. He was alive. He remembered the ship, Kahn, the warp core... and then he remembered hearing McCoy's voice, talking to him. Even as Spock was telling him how they had apprehended Kahn, as McCoy was adjusting something on his biobed, he remembered being asleep and the comfort of Bones' voice.

 

There was a hand gripping his shoulder, interrupting his musings, and when he looked up, Spock was leaving.

 

“I don't think you heard a word he said,” McCoy said, sitting back down beside his captain. “Hope you're up for more visitors later. I'm sure Spock's going to tell everyone you're awake. He such a gossip.”

 

“I remember.”

 

Bones reached over and took his hand in his, a look of sadness and concern settling on his features. It was a look that had been there for over two weeks and seemed at home in the creases of his face.

 

“Well, I was hoping for some selective amnesia,” he admitted. “I had hoped that, like many trauma victims, you wouldn't remember the events leading up to your death.”

 

“Not that. Well, yeah, I remember that, too, though I don't remember any pain. No, I mean after that. I remember you talking to me. I remember the updates about the ship, the stories. You promising to stay with me, to never leave me again. Did you really say that, or did I dream it?”

 

“I said it,” Bones confirmed, his face lightening a bit as he pulled the hand in his to his lips and kissed it firmly. “I said it and I meant it.”

 

“Good. Cause I'm holding you to it.”

 

“Do you remember anyone else talking to you?”

 

“No. Who all's come to see me?”

 

“Uncle Jim!”

 

Suddenly, the room seemed to be overflowing with Kirks, despite only four arriving. A surprised Jim caught his flying nephew even as Sam chastised the boy for being all over his uncle. He wasn't the only one, either, as Wynona and Aurelean crowded him, hugging and kissing the bemused blond. Sam just shrugged him shoulders, giving up on trying to keep Jim from being crushed, and worked himself into the fray to get in his own hugs. Leonard just smiled happily from a safe distance.

 

*~*~*~*

 

“My god, you're as big as a shuttle,” Jim said as he tried to feel the baby move. “When are you due?”

 

“Any day now, honestly,” Aurelean shrugged, not the least bit offended by Jim's comment on her size. She felt like a shuttle. “My obstetrician was beside herself when I told her I was headed to Earth.”

 

“I bet.”

 

“Come on, kid, time to get you out of here.”

 

Leonard had come in, carrying one of Jim's uniforms, much to Jim's delight. The doctor had promised him a quick discharge to let him recuperate at home and it seemed he was delivering. Each of the Kirks dropped a kiss on his head and left the two in private so he could get changed.

 

“We're just going straight home, but I thought it would be appropriate for you to walk out of this hospital on your own two feet, in uniform,” McCoy explained as he helped Jim out of the bed. “Press has been lurking around the doors a bit since you got here. Not bad, since I refused to let anyone know when you might be getting out, but you might as well make a good impression. Or I could put you in scrubs and sneak you out?”

 

“Nah,” Jim smiled, then suddenly turned the tables once he had regained his feet, pulling a startled Leonard into his arms and against his chest. “I haven't been alone with you since I woke up.”

 

Then Jim was kissing him, softly at first but quickly building in passion. The thin hospital gown he was in didn't leave anything to the imagination, but it was still too much for McCoy who released the closures without having to look and let the thin fabric drop to floor, leaving miles of smooth skin exposed to his touch. He ran his hands reverently over Jim's back and sides, reaching down to gently grip his backside even as he eagerly sucked his tongue into his mouth. That backside was just as nice as he remembered.

 

“Doctor McCoy, you are way overdressed,” Jim panted once he was able to pull back enough to speak.

 

Leonard grinned in what could only be described as a devilish way and pulled completely out of Jim's arms, stripping off his uniform as he made his way over to the room controls. He locked the door using his override, making it impossible for anyone other than the Head of Starfleet Medical to get in and shut the biobed alerts off. Once he was naked and Jim was looking him up and down with starving eyes, he grabbed a bottle of medical lubricant and lay down on the bed. He slowly, teasingly, slicked his member as he held his other hand out to Jim.

 

“What are you waiting for, Darl'n? An engraved invitation?”

 

Jim practically flung himself on him.

 

*~*~*~*

 

“Speaking of engraved invitations,” Jim said casually as they made their way out of the hospital as a group, “should we get invitations or just invite everyone to mom's condo via comm?”

 

“What?” Leonard looked at him in confusion. “Why would we be inviting people to your mom's with formal letterhead? Just comm people you want to see.”

 

“So, mass comm it is. That would be easier, considering how quickly this is about to happen.”

 

“Mass comm? What's about to happen? Jim, what the hell are you going on about?”

 

He couldn't pin Jim down for an answer, though, as they were leaving the hospital and about a dozen reporters were flagging Captain Kirk down for a statement about the Kahn incident and asking him how he felt.

 

“I didn't think there were this many reporters out,” McCoy huffed. “I picked lunch time because they'd taken to scattering at that time.”

 

“It was lunch time, over an hour ago,” Sam stage whispered to him. “Someone took his time getting Jim 'dressed.'”

 

“Well, I hadn't 'dressed' Jim in awhile,” McCoy blushed.

 

“I'm thinking you got 'dressed' yourself,” Sam went on, thinking he was being clever, but just setting himself up.

 

“Well, I had to get redressed when I was done violating your little brother,” Bones replied with an evil smirk, making Sam blanch and nipping his teasing in the bud.

 

“No fair, we were using a metaphor.”

 

“Trust me, I know metaphors. It wasn't a good one.”

 

They finally got on their way again, McCoy catching back up to Jim as he was opening the door to the taxi for his mother, nephew and sister in law. Once they had levered Aurelean into the back and Sam was sliding in next to her, he turned on his newly restored lover.

 

“Alright, Jim, what are you up to?” he asked suspiciously. “Why are we suddenly inviting people to your mother's?”

 

“For our wedding!” he said loudly, then quickly wrapped an arm around the waist of a very startled Leonard and turned him to stand next to him just as cameras flashed.

 

*~*~*~*

 

“Glad you agreed to marry me, Bones,” Jim smiled softly at the other man as he helped him into his dress uniform.

 

“Not that I had much choice,” he groused as he pulled on the collar. He hated these damn monkey suits. “It was all over the tabloids before we even got back to my apartment. Uhura was calling in a fit that we didn't tell them first. And once she knows something, the whole ship knows it.”

 

“I thought Spock was the gossip?”

 

“He is! She finds out, she tells him and then it's made it from here to Vulcan, faster than subspace. Their noses are pointier than their ears, those damn Vulcans.”

 

Jim laughed and kissed his nose, then the scowl.

 

“Would you have told me no, given a chance?” Jim asked with a knowing smirk.

 

“No, of course not,” Leonard said quietly, a smile replacing the scowl as he pulled his fiance into his arms. “I've learned my lesson. But why did you ambush me?”

 

“Because I've learned my lesson, too. And I knew you'd say yes. I just realized, our lives may be shorter than average. I need to make sure you're by my side for as long as possible. We've already lost so much time.”

 

“Yeah,” Leonard agreed. “Let's not wait a second more. Which is why I guess you insisted on getting married the NEXT DAY.”

 

“Yep!”

 

*~*~*~*

 

Wynona Kirk was a woman of extreme efficiency. Having less than twenty four hours to set her condo up for her youngest son's wedding wasn't a problem. Overnight her living room had been transformed into a romantic enclave with chairs draped in white and a white runner leading up to a simple arch decorated with wild flowers. Her kitchen was full of caters that she had called in a favor to get last minute and the dining area was set for a formal dinner. Thankfully, the guest list was small.

 

Admiral Barnett had agreed to officiate and he was standing in his place discussing the ceremony with the mother of one of the grooms when the guests filed in and took their seats. In the back, Sam stood with George, helping him with the collar of his dress uniform as the man was looking over something on his PADD.

 

“Dad, what are you doing?” Sam asked. “Put away work, it's Jim's wedding.”

 

“I know, I know,” he said. “I'm going over my speech.”

 

“Your speech?”

 

“Yes, of course. I'm the father of one groom and the ex of the other, I'm sure they expect me to give a speech.”

 

“You don't mention that you and Leonard were together at any point in that speech, do you?” Sam asked in a panic, quiet as he could.

 

“I do make a joke about it, yes.”

 

Sam snatched the PADD out of his hand and stuffed it in a vase.

 

“One word about that and I'm hauling you out of here by the scruff of your uniform,” Sam threatened. “Not one word, dad. Not everyone knows and they don't need to be told, especially on the happiest day of Jim and Leonard's lives. This is their day, not yours, and I'm sticking to your side to make sure it stays that way.”

 

“OK, OK.”

 

He didn't really need to worry. The ceremony was beautiful; everyone had tears in their eyes as Jim and Leonard finally committed their lives and hearts to each other. When they finally said their 'I dos' and everyone cheered and clapped, one person was the loudest.

 

“Oh my god, my water broke!”

 

“I'm delivering the baby!”

 

“No, Jim, the hell you aren't! Sam, keep her comfortable, Wynona, call for an ambulance, Aurelean, darl'n, let's time those contractions.”

 

“I thought it was gas. It didn't feel like it did with Peter.”

 

“It's OK. Each one is different.”

 

“Oh, guys, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.”

 

“You did no such thing,” Leonard smiled down at the laboring mother.

 

“No way,” Jim grinned from beside Sam. “This is the best day ever!”

 

Leonard had to agree.

 

The End

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they had a boy they named James Leonard and whom they call Leo and everyone lived happily ever after, including George, who got transferred to a deep space station and felt self important again but his family only had to deal with him via comm. :-D
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos, who left comments, and who made my hit counter go up! I love you all and appreciate every thing you do that keeps me going and encourages me to keep writing. Thank you to Finnegancat, redford (whom I was getting worried about, but I'm sure RL came knocking lol), macywinstar, calculatingthestars, and Hboomer for commenting on the last chapter, and for so getting the struggle with George, and for loving my Wynona (whose name I think I'm misspelling, and I didn't bother looking up Aurelean, either). I really appreciate that you guys like my portrayal of the characters. 
> 
> Back to individual replies to comments!


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